Okay, I need the rumor mill to please stop... I've had several people approach me now saying that they have heard that I have been having a bad week and that is not true. So, please know that I am not having a bad week, in fact today I feel perfectly fine and I would appreciate it if the rumors about my condition would stop. I'm not sure who is passing on this rumor, but if it was from reading this blog then you have read more into it than I have written there.

Also please know that my family is very capable of handling most things on our own and that my kids are old enough to help out around the house and with each other. If I need help, I will ask for it! Even though I don't ask for help a lot, I do know my limits and will ask for it when it is needed! Thank you!

Side effects so far from chemo treatment #3:

- Super tired - Since Saturday I have just wanted to lay around not doing too much of anything. My sleep has been good some nights and poor other nights. Saturday morning I went to the two baptisms for our ward and played some prelude & interlude music for it. It's been a while since I've played like that. That night I didn't sleep too well with Kay waking up partway through the night and then her waking up MJ when I tried to take her back to bed. My husband is also battling some head congestion so his sleep has been a little more noisy than usual - keeping me up in the middle of the night. I ended up sending the family to church without me and then I joined them for Sacrament Meeting.

- Lack of taste - Quite a few foods just have no taste to me the first week or so after my chemo. Two of the foods that have the most altered taste that I have noticed are yogurt and chocolate. Yogurt just tastes nasty to me and chocolate has hardly any taste at all. On Sunday I made a potato/cheese soup for dinner that the whole family loves and I sat down and ate a bite and could hardly taste anything - it was very disappointing!

- Tingling - The tingling in my fingers and feet hasn't seemed to be as bad so far this time around. I am crossing my fingers that it will not get any worse.

- Headache - My head has been absolutely pounding these last couple of days. It makes it hard to think clearly and I find myself super short-tempered all day long - especially with the kids.


Yesterday I put my wig on after my shower in the morning and came down to show Kay and MJ. Kay immediately saw me and said, "Whoa! I like that on you." MJ just sat there staring at me for the longest time trying to figure out what was going on! I think the wig looks fine. It is just a very different look for me - not my usual style so it will take a little bit of getting used to. I figure that I need to start feeling comfortable wearing it around the house or I will never feel comfortable enough to wear it outside of the house. I think I want to take a little bit of time to try styling it a little more to my liking, but so far I haven't had the energy to do that.

Sickness is abounding in our household! DH, MJ, M&M and Blondie all have coughs/colds and I think we have had some type of stomach virus going around the house as well. DH was up for a good chunk of the night last night with some stomach problems and MJ and Kay have had a little bit of something too - luckily no throwing up... My bowels have not been completely happy either, but I'm not sure if it is the same thing or side-effects from my chemo. MJ has been super whiny today and I hope that she starts to feel better soon! I don't have a lot of energy right now to deal with sick kids...

I actually felt pretty good most of the day today. I got up and took the kids to Parents & Pastries before school and then spent the day changing bed sheets and doing laundry - a never ending job in a family of 8! I did crash for a little while in the afternoon, but other than that really no problems so far after my third chemo treatment.

Chemo treatment #3 today. I had an appointment for lab work and to meet with the Dr. beforehand, and it was super busy and it took forever to get through the appointment. Because of that my chemo appointment started really late and it felt like we were there forever! Luckily we didn't have much traffic on the ride home, but we didn't get back until about 6:45 that evening (and we left around 9:15 in the morning)... My parents were able to tag team it during the day so someone was always here with the kids.

The only reaction I had once again was to the Benadryl - within just a few minutes of it entering my bloodstream I can feel it go straight to my head and make me a little woozy and super tired. It's definitely a weird feeling!

The nurse practitioner couldn't feel anything of my tumor and they are confident with the upcoming surgery that the surgeon will be successful in getting the bulk of the cancer out of me. They are also hopeful that the nerve damage in my fingers and feet will have some time to repair itself between this third chemo treatment and when I start up again after the surgery - probably 5-6 weeks after.

My main goal now is to get everything bought and ready for Christmas before my surgery on the 21st! Wish me luck!

Sorry it's been over a week since I last posted here! There hasn't really been a lot to post about. If it wasn't for my hair loss and a little bit of tingling in my finger and being a bit more tired than usual, I wouldn't even know that I was sick... Overall I feel pretty fine and normal and it's hard to believe that I really have cancer.

Last week was pretty eventful with the Thanksgiving holiday. Two of my brothers and their families came from out of town to visit. I picked up my younger brother and his family from the airport Tuesday evening and fed them dinner at my house before taking them over to my parents' house. We all met up for dinner at my parents' house on Thanksgiving day. Then on Friday some of us went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point and then we all met up for dinner again that evening. M&M and I made a bunch of treats to take over with us for dessert. On Saturday my family spent the day cleaning and putting up our Christmas tree and decorations. Really the only thing left to do is put the lights up on the outside of the house.

I went to all of church on Sunday. People ask me all the time how I am doing and the only way I know to respond is that I am feeling fine. That seems kind of weird considering the fact that I have cancer, but really I just feel fine. I had a primary meeting after church and then later on in the afternoon we went over to my parents' house for dinner again.

I got a call from nurse Stephanie this afternoon informing me that my blood counts were pretty low last time. She said to give them a call if I get a fever and to wash my hands often and stay away from sick people. I got off the phone and thought, "Yeah, but that was almost a week ago already." Hopefully my numbers will be fine for Wednesday so that we don't have to postpone my next chemo treatment.

I still have a little fringe of hair so I just wear hats everywhere. DH would like to shave it because he doesn't like how it looks without a hat, but I think it makes the hats look more normal. My guess is that after my next chemo treatment the rest of it will fall out.

Yesterday I spent the day doing some cleaning/organizing and getting the laundry put away. I took a couple of the kids to the library and then a quick stop at the grocery store. I had a hankering for some pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting so M&M and I made the bars yesterday and then frosted them today. Delicious!!

I didn't sleep great last night for some reason. I wish I could just get a decent night's sleep and not keep waking up 2 or 3 times a night... I had a scout meeting before church this morning and then ended up going to the whole 3 hour block of church - even though I wasn't planning on doing so at first. Right now my immune system is supposed to be at its lowest point so I need to be really careful around people. They say around day 8-14 from my chemo treatment is when my white blood cell count will typically be at its lowest. It's been hard though because that is around the time when I really start feeling better and have more energy and yet I'm supposed to avoid crowds and people that are sick (which is going to be hard as we go into winter/sick season here). I've been battling a headache all day. I'm not sure if it is from the chemo or from not having slept well last night.

I just have a very thin fringe of hair at this point. I still look okay with a hat, but it is looking very thin and wispy. I have a few comb-over type strands on the top of my head and then a little bit on the sides. My kids think it looks like an old man. Unfortunately my scalp is very sensitive with pimple-like bumps on a good portion of it - not very comfortable at all - and it itches...

I'm still having problems regulating my body temperature. It most likely has something to do with the hormone shot to shut down my ovaries - it's supposed to be like going through menopause. My hands and feet are particularly sensitive, and it doesn't help that the tips of my fingers are tingly. It feels like I have poor circulation in them.

I still have a little bit of hair and I'm surprised that I look as normal as I do with a hat on - without it is a different story. My kids are always curious to see how I am looking so I took my hat off for them the other day and showed them and just about all of them responded with, "Ewww, gross!" Nice feeling... I think my husband is dying to shave my head so maybe we will do it this weekend. I'm having a hard time letting go of the last of it though especially since it looks fine with my hats. My scalp is still super sensitive and itchy.

I finally found a hat to sleep in at night! A friend from the ward stopped by on Thursday and dropped off a hat that she had bought for me at Huntsman and it is perfect for me for sleeping in. It is a soft knit that comes down a little lower and has some elastic in the back so it fits a little better and doesn't fall off of me when I turn over in bed.

Today I made dinner for the first time since my last chemo treatment. We have had so many kind, generous people that have wanted to bring meals since my last treatment that we have had tons of food. I think the kids miss some of our regular meals so I since I was feeling fine I decided to make one of our family meals that we haven't had in a while. I had great responses from the kids when they saw it too!

Well, I threw up last night for the first time since starting chemo. It was weird because I woke up around 3 in the morning and felt just fine. I used the bathroom and then went downstairs to get something to eat (I have been feeling a little nauseous lately if my stomach is empty). After I came back up to bed I was laying there and the furnace was on and I started feeling really hot and sick, but I didn't want to get up. Finally I decided I better hurry to the bathroom. I took one of my anti-nausea pills and after doing some business for a minute started feeling like I was going to throw up. Luckily I remembered that I had a cleaning bucket under the sink and managed to grab it in time to throw up in it... I felt much better after a few minutes and was able to go back to bed feeling fine.

DH stayed home from work today to get some yard work done. He was hoping to do it on the weekend, but for the second weekend in a row we are supposed to get a cold front with snow coming through and the work needs to be done before winter sets in. My dad came over and worked with DH while my mom and I and the girls went to Huntsman for my blood work. It was supposed to be just a quick blood draw again and then a quick injection so we thought the girls might have fun with the diversion. Well, as I am learning with the clinic I go to, nothing seems to go quickly or effortlessly... When I checked in the lady said that she would quickly get the order called in so my injection would be ready to go. Then they called me back and I sat waiting for several minutes before they took me in to draw my blood. (The nurses that draw the blood said it had been a super busy morning already. They had had as many people so far that day as they had all day the day before.) When the lady was getting the order ready for the blood draw she thought that they had the wrong test ordered so she called my nurse, Stephanie, and she said she would look into it. A few minutes later she called back and said that the test order was wrong and she would be by with the correct order. So they finally got the blood order right, then the nurse said that they would be by to take my blood pressure and then I could go. I told the nurse that I was supposed to have an injection today as well - she said she'd look into it. After probably at least a half hour of just sitting there, they finally got things sorted out and got the injection for me and administered it to me. (I heard that there was a little bit of hassle either from the pharmacy or the insurance because I am supposed to get the injection every 28 days and it had only been 27 days...) I was probably back in the office for almost an hour during which time my mom had to entertain MJ and Kay by wandering the halls with them and feeding them some snacks that she found in the diaper bag...

After we came home and ate lunch I took MJ outside to play while I sat in the sun and watched DH finish up his work. It was a little on the cold side, but the sun felt really good and MJ loved running around out there.

The rest of the day I really fluctuated between feeling good and not feeling good. My stomach was upset a little off and on and I had a hard time keeping a constant body temperature. One minute I would be freezing and then a half hour later I was dying of the heat. My feet and legs have been find today, but my fingers have been a little tingly lately. It hasn't affected me too much, but it is just kind of annoying. I've also had a bad headache off and on throughout the day. And wow my scalp hurts today - kind of a combination of itching and just general discomfort - especially when I touch it.

A couple of neighbors stopped by with dinner and one of the activity day girl groups stopped by with some cute turkey cupcakes they had made.

Yesterday was an okay day. More than anything I was just tired - not many other side effects except the tingling in the hands and feet. We had an excellent meal brought to us by a family in the ward.

This morning I took the girls over to a neighbor's house while I ran to the store. Unfortunately I think MJ cried almost the whole time I was gone. She's been a little under the weather lately because she is cutting her first set of molars.

Well, today I got my first Christmas present - a surgery date scheduled for December 21st... My choices were December 21st or January 4th, and with insurance rolling over to a new year in January, it makes more sense for us financially to have the surgery before the new year. My only wish now is that I will be out of the hospital by Christmas. On the other side it does give me more time than I initially thought I would have to get things ready for Christmas. I was initially thinking that the surgery would be the first or second week of December.

Tonight was pack meeting and Luke got his Webelos award and also his Arrow of Light. I'm grateful for the excellent Webelos leaders in the ward that have helped him earn these!

Hair, hair, it's everywhere! If it wasn't for the fact that the little hair I have looks cute when wearing a hat, I think I would have had DH shave it yesterday. My scalp is getting pretty sensitive - especially in the shower and at night. I'm still trying to figure out what is most comfortable for me to wear to bed at night on my head. Because I sleep with a special type of neck pillow, most of the hats are not staying on my head well or are just not comfortable to wear. I finally tried putting on a large head scarf last night and that seemed to work okay. I wonder if I can make myself something that would work better. I think I have some soft knit fabrics down in the storage room.

My bowels are not 100% right now, but at least I am not backed up... I spent a good chunk of the morning yesterday in the bathroom and then slept a good chunk of the afternoon. Our relief society president came over and helped with some cleaning. DH was hoping to work in the yard some, but the weather wasn't cooperating.

This morning I sent the family to church and stayed home with MJ. We went in a little later in time for Sacrament Meeting. I wore a hat there and felt fine with it. I had several compliments on it. I actually feel fine wearing the hats. I don't really feel self-conscious at all about wearing them - except when Kay tried to pull it off of me in Sacrament Meeting because she wanted to see my bald spot! I think that's going to be my biggest problem with the hats and wig - curious kids!

Other than that it was a pretty uneventful Sabbath Day. I've been kind of tired the last couple of days and the nerves in my feet and calves have been acting up a little - tingly and cold at times. My fingertips have the tingling just a little bit but it's not really bothering me at all.

I think I've been a little depressed the last day or two. It happens when I don't feel like I am needed. With everyone trying to come and help us out I feel like my place is being overtaken and that I don't serve a purpose anymore - not the way I like to feel... I like to be able to function normally and do things that I can do. I think it is going to be hard finding a balance point between doing things on my own and accepting the help of others. While I appreciate help from outside, I don't want or need it all the time at this point. Other than being a little tired, I feel like I am able to fully function and I enjoy doing things with my kids and being able to do things around the house. I even don't mind doing laundry and cleaning every now and then!

Tried out my new pillow last night. I think it will take me a couple of nights to get used to it. It's a little bit bigger than my previous one. I got up a couple of times again in the night. I'm trying to find the right combination of pills to take to keep my side effects down to a minimum this time around. So far I seem to be feeling better overall than following my first treatment. The only side effects that I've noticed today is a little bit of tiredness and a little bit of a headache off and on.

I feel like I was pretty productive today. A neighbor watched the girls for me this morning so I could run to the store. After that I took the girls home for lunch and then MJ and I took a little nap on the couch while Kay watched some TV. I was able to do most of the laundry today - now we just need to put it away. I went with DH to a couple of stores this evening and dinner was brought to us by the Stake Primary Presidency. I did have more of an appetite today, although the food still doesn't taste quite right. After dinner the older kids and DH and I stayed up to watch the last Harry Potter movie. I enjoyed it more than the previous one, but the ending seemed quite anti-climatic.

I slept okay last night. I kept having to get up to use the bathroom. They pump so many fluids into my body through the whole infusion process that I am constantly having to empty my bladder. Plus I am trying to up my fluid intake so I can try and be proactive in combatting the constipation issues this time around. I feel pretty good so far this morning. It's just taking me a while to get the girls taken care of so I can finally get myself in the shower!

I got a call from my oncology team nurse this morning. (BTW - her name is Stephanie too. I have had several nurses through this whole process that have been named Stephanie. It's been kind of weird.). Anyway, Stephanie called to give me my results from my latest CA-125 test which they did as part of my lab work yesterday. She said that the day before my first chemo treatment the number had jumped up to about 6200 (my initial test number was 5700) and yesterday my reading was 2227! She said that that was a very significant drop after just one chemo treatment and the whole team is very pleased with how well I appear to be responding to the chemo!

Side effects: We discussed my side effects yesterday and what I can do to try and minimize them after my second chemo treatment. My biggest problem last time was the constipation so we discussed starting taking the Senokot right away starting the day of my chemo. So I took some last night before bed. My next biggest side effect has been some tingling and loss of some feeling in my feet. The chemo drugs can affect the nerves and cause peripheral neuropathy. Right now it is not too severe, but it is something that I need to monitor. It kind of came and went off and on with my last treatment and was almost completely gone by yesterday. The nurse practitioner suggested I take some Vitamin B6 and possibly try an arthritis cream that has jalapenos in it and is supposed to help with the circulation and help warm up the feet. So far I haven't noticed it affecting my hands at all so I will keep my fingers crossed! I don't think there is much they can do for the chemo brain side effect - just rest. I was told that having a period after my first shot to shut down my ovaries is normal. Hopefully that will be the last one I will have to deal with. It is a shot that I will be getting monthly though until my surgery takes place.

Wow I lost a ton of hair today in the shower! I have a very obvious bald spot in the very front of my head. I think I will wear a hat if I go out at all today... I'm not quite ready to shave my head yet, but getting close to it. I'm not very excited about losing my hair, even though I am resigned to the fact that it is going to happen. That is one of the most obvious signs that a woman has cancer and is going through chemotherapy. Men have it easier because it is not uncommon to see bald men. Women on the other hand is a different story. My big concern is that I just want to lo normal and not stand out. I don't want to look sick even if I am. I'm getting a fairly big headache right now. I'm not sure if it is because of the chemo or my neck kind of hurting today. I got my new pillow from UPS today so hopefully that will improve my sleep at night.

DH stayed home today for a dentist appointment and then spent the remainder of the day working in the yard. I was feeling well enough that I took the elementary school kids to their parent/teacher conferences while DH cleaned up the yard work he had been working on. I wore one of my new hats that I had ordered and I thought it looked pretty cute, especially since I still have some hair underneath it. After I got back DH drove me out to the hospital to see my sister and her new baby - such a tiny, cute thing! I took some Tylenol for my headache and it finally kicked in just before we got to the hospital. After we got back home it took a little while to get the house cleaned up a bit and the kids off to bed.

Don't have much of an appetite today. I've had to force some food down just so I can have something in my stomach so I don't get nauseous. I hope I can get a good night's rest tonight!

My parents come over early to watch the kids for us. They see the older ones off to school and then stay with the two little ones the whole day. My almost two year old nephew also comes over to spend a good chunk of the day because my sister just had her second baby yesterday (3 weeks early) and will be in the hospital for a couple of days.

I have an appointment for blood work at 8:10 this morning and then meet with my oncology team shortly after that. Everyone keeps commenting on the fact that I still have hair, so that is a good thing! I didn't lose as much weight as I thought I had, but every little bit helps. They discuss some of my blood work tests and say that my whilte blood cell count dropped pretty low the second week, but was pretty much back to normal this week. All the other tests came back normal except my blood sugar level was a little elevated - they attribute that to the steroid I am on. We also discuss the symptoms that I have experienced and how to deal with them. The nurse practitioner feels my abdomen and she said that last time she saw me she could definitely feel the tumor and this time if she didn't know that it was there, she probably would not have noticed it. Yea! Some good news! Hopefully the chemo treatment is working well and I can only hope that the liver is being affected the same way.

Then we were walked over to the new infusion room that just opened up since my last infusion. We checked in at the front desk and then sat down in the waiting room for a few minutes until they called me back. All I can say is "Wow!" about the new infusion room! It is super spacious and a beautiful room. Each person has a ton more space than the old room, their own personal TV and Blu-ray player, and all the reclining chairs face huge open windows that look over the Salt Lake Valley. It's much more private than the old room because in the old room we were all facing each other and there was very little space between the chairs.

My infusion started about an hour sooner than last time, but we also had a third drug added that took 90 minutes to infuse. Things went a little quicker since it was my second time with the other drugs so we actually ended about the same time as last time. I reacted to the Benadryl again. It was almost an immediate reaction after they started it. It was really weird. I almost immediately started feeling woozy and lightheaded and had to lay down because I was afraid I was going to pass put if I didn't. Other than that the only other reaction I felt was a headache that came on during the second drug. I'm not sure though if it was the drug causing it or the chair that I couldn't seem to get comfortable in today. I laid down for a little bit and tried to sleep and then I felt better after a little while. I still have a small headache later, but it isn't too bad right now.

Other than that things were pretty uneventful. DH was with me most of the time (except when he got us lunch and used the restroom). He read a book and did some work on his laptop. I mostly did things on my ipad. I tried reading a little but had a hard tme concentrating on it.

We left the hospital a little after 5:00 and after listening to the traffic reports took an alternate drive home and ended up taking about an hour - much better than the hour and a half from last time.

My parents fed the kids the dinner that was brought over by a ward member and then DH and I ate when we got home. The little girls were particularly happy to see us when we arrived. Then DH went with M&M to our ward's YW in Excellence night.

Another fill in the blank:

Saturday, October 29
I woke up this morning with a ton of food cravings. I was laying there in bed and kept thinking about some different recipes that I am in the mood to try. I guess that means that my appetite and taste is coming back. I haven't enjoyed foods a lot since my chemo treatment - they all taste pretty bland to me. After I got up I wrote down some foods on my shopping list so that I can pick up the ingredients for some of them. Then I cooked myself some scrambled eggs for breakfast.

Monday, October 31
I've still been having a lot of cravings for food lately. If I didn't know it was impossible at this point, I might begin to wonder if I was pregnant...

More hair coming out again in the shower this morning. I'm actually surprised I still have as much on my head as I do. Every time I move my head, more seems to come out.

Ran a few more errands this mornng. I feel completely fine and normal... And I look totally healthy. Some sweet neighbors stopped by with a "blessing basket" in preparation for my chemo tomorrow. There were all kinds of nice little, thoughtful gifts inside. They said that many of our near neighbors contributed to it.

MJ's sleep schedule was really off yesterday and she ended up not going to bed until after 10:00. I packed some things to take with me to my infusion tomorrow, then take my steroid pills and go to bed.

My hair was really coming out in the shower this morning! There was so much by the time I got out that it had completely stopped up the drain. Thankfully I still look normal so I am just trying to do as little to it as I can right now. I had DH take a picture of me with my haircut before it all falls out! I spent the morning running a few errands with the girls. I'm trying to get as much done as I can while I'm still feeling well. The cramping is finally gone for the most part today.

I got one of my prescriptions transferred to our local pharmacy so we don't have to drive all the way to Huntsman to pick it up before my chemo on Wednesday. It is the steroid that I have to take the night before and morning of the chemo and either the insurance company or FDA won't let me refill it until 2 or 3 days before my next chemo treatment.

I made it to Sunday without losing all of my hair! That was my goal - that I would still look normal for church on Sunday. I took off the surgical tape from the smaller upper incision for my port. That one has healed very nicely and you can hardly see it - unless you're looking for it. It felt weird being at church today and feeling completely normal when I know that I am not. Lots of people came up to me asking how I was doing - and I told them honestly that I feel perfectly fine. It just seems odd...

Later on we went to my parents' house for dinner. I was able to facetime with one of my brothers while we were there. I love that we can do that for free!!

Some more fill-in the blanks:

Sunday, October 30
I wore a skirt to church today and some jeans after church that I haven't fit into in a long time. That felt pretty good.

Tuesday, November 1
I got a really sweet card in the mail today from someone in the ward. I continue to be amazed at how many people feel impacted by my diagnosis and how many people are praying for me and my family.

This morning DH and I went to a couple of stores. We looked at keyboards for my ipad. I would be blogging more consistently if I had a keyboard instead of having to use the on screen keyboard. I get frustrated when it takes me at least twice as long to type on the ipad than if I was sitting at the computer, hence I don't get to the blogging as often as I would like. We bought Cars 2 which we watched as a family for the first time this evening. Cute movie. I spent some time this afternoon putting away some clothes into storage and getting out some winter clothes. That right there is a full-time job when you have six kids! I also have a couple of bags for the D.I. when I get a free moment to drive over there.

I got a package today from FedEx. It has the wig and a couple of hats that I had ordered Monday evening. I'm nervous to look at the wig too closely. I think I will wait until my hair all falls out (or I shave it) before I really take it out and try it on! My hair is slowly but surely coming out. So far I don't think anyone can really tell. Once it starts looking obvious that it is thinning and not looking good I think I will have my husband just shave it off. I think that having it look really thin will make me look more sick than if I were to just shave it. Plus it's somewhat depressing seeing all of the hair that keeps falling out every time I touch my head...

Not a lot happened yesterday. I've had some severe cramping in my lower abdomen, but that has to do with some female issues that I wasn't supposed to have to deal with anymore. I will have to ask about that when I see the doctor next Wednesday...

Today the cramping has lessened some and M&M is home from school for thend of the quarter. I took her to get her pictures taken at J.C. Penneys and then we did some clothes shopping there. She has recently grown out of just about all of her jeans and we were able to find her several pairs there as well as some other things so it was a very productive shopping trip. We put away the Halloween decorations and got out the Harvest/Thanksgiving ones.

Later on Luke, Blondie and Kitty had piano lessons and I went grocery shopping while M&M watched the little girls. I also picked up a movie from Redbox which we watched later that evening. I'm trying to get as much done as I can while I am still feeling well! I figure I have until next Wednesday and then we will start the process all over again.

The incision for my port has been bothering me today so I put a big band-aid over it. Now hopefully my clothes won't irritate it anymore while it is trying to heal.