Sent DH to work because I was feeling fine and didn't have anything scheduled for the day. He had some people visiting the office from out of town and had missed them from the previous day because of my appointment. I got a call a little later that morning telling me that the oncologist wanted me to come in at noon that day. I asked what for and she said she didn't know. I called my mom to see if she could come and watch the kids for me and then called DH at work. He offered to come home to go with me to the oncologist, but I felt that I would be fine and could go on my own. I said a little prayer on the way over and felt a calm feeling that things would be okay.

When the oncologist called me back to meet with her, it was anything but good news. She told me that she had the results from the CT scan and the X-ray and she had been shocked by the findings. A large mass was found in my liver and the tumor on the ovaries is compressing one of my kidneys, limiting the outflow of it. I asked if the liver could be operated on and she said that the amount of liver affected is too large to remove without damaging the function of the liver. I asked if there was a chance that this was non-cancerous and she said there was a slight chance, but the results were consistent with Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer - meaning that it has spread beyond the abdominal cavity through the blood stream. She mentioned that she had consulted with the other doctor in her practice as well as some other colleagues in the area and they all agreed that we needed to cancel the surgery and go straight to chemotherapy in the hopes of shrinking everything enough that they could operate successfully and even hopefully remove the mass in the liver.

She also said that they could not make out any semblace of an ovary on either side - the tumor is basically taking over everything. The doctor was also slightly concerned with my chest X-ray and wanted to order a breast MRI and a chest CT scan since they can both be done when breastfeeding. They also sent me to get some blood drawn to run some tests to check my liver and kidney function.

I actually did fine emotionally until the end. I just sat there across from the doctor and said, "I am healthy and strong. I feel fine. I'm 35 years old with 6 young kids. I just had a baby a little over a year ago. I just don't understand how this could be happening to me...". I was still able to keep myself composed until I left the hospital and got into my car to drive home. Then I noticed a text from my husband wanting to be updated on what was going on. I sent him a text and then he called and said he would meet me at home.

Once I got home I told my mom the update (and once again was able to stay composed). I told her that DH was on his way home so she could leave. Once DH came home I was pretty much an emotional wreck the rest of the day... Luckily our Primary President wisely postponed our presidency meeting scheduled for that evening and even brought over a dinner for our family!

Appointment with the Gynecological Oncologist. She was a really nice lady who seemed very optimistic about my recovery and options. We discussed the implications if it is cancer or not and then she did some examinations on me. She could feel the tumor, and was pleased that it seemed about to move around so it did not appeared to be anchored to anything major. We scheduled an abdominal CT scan and chest X-ray for later that day and then scheduled a surgery to remove the tumor for Wednesday of the following week. At this point things seemed very optimistic and positive.

After drinking 2 full bottles of barium, I was ready for the CT scan. I was given a choice of the flavors I could drink: vanilla, banana and berry flavor. I chose berry flavor, but when the lady checked she only had one berry flavor that was chilled so she gave me that and then she had me pick another flavor so I chose the vanilla (she said that the drinks taste much better when they are chilled). We ran home to check up with the family for a few minutes and grab some lunch for DH (I had to fast until after the scan). I thought that the vanilla flavor started out tasting okay but by the end I was having a hard time getting it down. I thought that the berry tasted much better, but still had a gross aftertaste. We then left to go to the imaging center, I had the chest X-ray first and then I had the CT scan. Then we went back home.

Our ward had an Activity Days Achievement Night for the 8-11 year old girls and I tried attending it with DH and Blondie, but I started feeling really awful once we got there and the room was super hot - I was afraid I was going to pass out. I ended up leaving not too long into the meeting and the Primary President came up to DH afterwards and asked him if I was alright, so he filled her in on what was going on with my health as we knew it at the time. DH gave permission for the Primary President to inform the Bishop and Relief Society President, who both called DH later that evening.

At this point we didn't want to share the news with too many people until we had all the facts and questions answered as far as my diagnosis and the treatment I would need. We have told the kids that there is something growing inside of me that shouldn't be there (the tumor) so the doctors are going to perform surgery to remove it. Depending on how involved the surgery ends up being, I will be in the hospital overnight for at least one night and possibly up to three or four. Not looking forward to that at all...

Rough weekend when you have this possible news looming over you. I try to be strong for the kids, but had several days/nights that were rough. It was General Conference weekend and there were some great talks, sometimes I had a hard time concentrating on them. Went to a couple of soccer games on Saturday.

Met with the OB/GYN again today. I had to wait a little while because he was at a delivery in the hospital next door. He had very concerning news to give me and had a hard time getting it out. They found a tumor on my left ovary and it is fairly substantial in size. Based on the ultrasound report it had fluid in it as well as some vascular portions that were concerning. He also said that the blood test had elevated levels that could indicate cancer - but could also be a result of other things. He then encouraged me to get an appointment with a gynecelogical oncologist because studies have shown that if this is cancer, the outcome is much improved if treated by a specialist.

He sent me back out to the receptionist to set up an appointment with a specialist ASAP. He recommended a group that works out of St. Mark's, so once we found that my insurance covers them I set up an appointment for the following Tuesday (the soonest they could get me in).

I was pretty okay emotionally at this point, but once I got back to my car I had a little cry before I headed back home. My husband was already home whe I got there and he jokingly said to me, "So, you've got cancer?". Unfortunately that was not the right thing to say at the time, so I naturally broke out in tears...

Came home from driving someone somewhere and had a message on the answering machine from the OB/GYN. He wants me to come into the office to discuss the results of the ultrasound. At this point I still think it is just routine. I don't feel nervous about having to go back in - just a little annoyed that they won't just give me the results over the phone. I call the office back and make an appointment for the following day.

Ultrasound today. I seriouly felt like calling and canceling the appointment because I have felt fine since I met with the OB/GYN. They had me drink a ton of water before the appointment and I was just about ready to burst before hey finally called me back for the ultrasound. The tech started with the standard ultrasound on my abdomen, then she thankfully let me use the restroom, followed by an internal ultrasound - not comfortable at all. The tech gave me no results or hints about anything that she may or may not have found. She aked me at one point how long I had had the pain and I said off and on for about 1 1/2 months - around the beginning of August. When she was finished, I got dressed and went home.

I met with an OB/GYN today about a pain I have been feeling in my lower left abdomen - and sometimes in my lower back similar to my back labor pains. I think I started feeling it around the beginning of August. The pain has just felt like a cramp like I get when running or over-exerting myself and it comes and goes. My abdomen is also a litle tender if one of the kids steps on me. Nothing constant at all, but I will feel it periodically when I am just sitting not doing anything. I've looked up symptoms on the internet and am not concerned at all about it. Probably just an ovarian cyst which can go away on its own. I finally called to set up an appointment just to have it checked out.

We discussed my family history (which isn't good as far as cancer is concerned). I also know that I have a breast cancer mutation gene called BRCA-1 which puts me at higher risk for Breast Cancer and Ovarian Cancer. The doctor felt around some and could feel something there that he wanted me to have checked out with a pelvic untrasound. The doctor also had some blood drawn for a blood test. He also recommended a mammogram with the history of breast cancer in my family. I asked if that could be done while I am still breastfeeding and he seemed to think that I could (turns out that he was wrong and I was right). Since my husband was leaving town the next day for a business trip to China I decide to wait until he gets back from that to have the ultrasound done.