Christmas Eve!  It's seems weird being here over a major holiday weekend.  Last night was really, really rough.  I tried going to sleep a little earlier but just couldn't get comfortable.  My back just kept hurting worse and worse and I was contemplating pushing my pain button even though I hadn't needed to push it all day long.  I finally was able to get to the pain button and I pushed it and didn't hear anything happen - usually there is a noise associated with it that tells me the pump has kicked into action.  I looked over at the machine and the bag for the pain medicine looked like it was still completely full.  I quickly pushed the button for the nurse.  When the nurse came in he asked what was going on and I told him that I didn't think that my pain bag had been turned on.  He went over and looked at it and said, "Yeah, you're right.  This isn't even on." What looks like happened is that the previous nurse had changed my bag just before her shift was over and then never turned it back on.  We figured it was off for about 2 hours!  I was in such excruciating pain that I was in tears, crying.  The nurse offered me some other drugs that can be given to me at the same time as my main medication and I told him to just give me everything that he could!  Especially since I was told that the main medication can take up to 20 minutes to take effect.  It took me a little while to get my pain back under control and then it took even longer to actually be able to relax and get some sleep.

This morning I got up and took a little bit of a sponge bath while sitting in the bathroom.  I am not allowed to shower until my epidural is removed.  This was the first time I had really seen myself in a mirror since my surgery.  I actually didn't look as bad as I thought I would.  It felt really good to be able to clean up a little.  After I finished up in the bathroom a nurse from physical therapy came by to take me walking.  We walked a couple of laps and she said that I was doing really good and that the best thing I can do for myself at this point is walk as much as I can.  So I set a goal to walk a mile today - that's about 10 laps around my floor.  I did two laps with the physical therapist and then went and sat on the couch and ate my breakfast.

After breakfast I decided to go walking some more.  This time I did about 4  laps and then noticed that my legs in-between my thighs was really hurting - there was something rubbing there between them.  I discovered that it was a clip holding my catheter tube to my leg.  When I hobbled back to my room to check out the damage I found that I had cuts on the inside of both of my legs from where this had been rubbing.  I got ahold of my nurses' aide and she helped move the clip to the front part of my thigh and then put some bandages on the insides of my legs.  Then I went out and finished up my last half lap and added one more for good measure.  It felt much better having that clip moved.  On my way past my room one time I heard my cell phone ringing in the room so I stopped to answer it.  It was DH who had apparently been trying to call for quite a while.  I took the phone with me and talked while I did another lap around the floor.  I had called him last night about the pain medicine incident right after it happened so he already knew about that, but there was other info to fill him in on.  He mentioned that our relief society president wanted to come visit me at the hospital and had offered to bring M&M with her.  Then he could come later with the rest of the kids to see me and then take her home with them.  I thought that that sounded like a good idea.

There has been quite a bit of drainage from my drain and I asked the liver surgeon's assistant about it when she came in to see me this morning.  She said that the color on the drainage was really good and that I shouldn't be concerned at the amount at this point.

So the relief society president and M&M came over shortly after lunch.  She brought a basket of flowers and stayed to visit for a little bit and then left M&M with me.  I had M&M take me on a walk for those last couple of laps that I needed to finish up my mile.  We ended up doing just two laps and I did them pretty slowly and then I started to not feel so good so we headed back to my room.  After getting situated on the couch I noticed that one of my brothers had tried to facetime me earlier in the day while I was out, so I tried returning his call.  While I was talking to him the physical therapist tried coming in to take me to the stairs to practice doing some stairs when I all of a sudden felt nauseous like I was going to throw up.  I quickly ended my call with my brother and the physical therapist called the nurse for me.  I dry heaved a few times but nothing came up.  The nurse brought me some anti-nausea medicine and M&M brought me a wet washcloth to put on my forehead and then I started to feel better.

My surgeon's assistant finally talked to the nurses about getting my epidural and catheter out and switching me over to solid foods.  Hopefully something will happen with that before the day ends.

It was nice being able to sit and chat with M&M for the time that she spent there.  I'm just sorry she had to see me get sick liike that.  My parents stopped by for a few minutes again and then right after I was served dinner, DH brought the kids by to visit again.  (I had to fight for the dinner again because they tried to bring me a liquid diet again and they had to check with the nurse to find out if I could have solid foods.)  Unfortunately MJ and Kay were a little more wired and free feeling this time and preferred to be running around the place causing problems.  I finally had M&M take MJ down to the end of the hall where there are some clusters of chairs for families and some large windows to see if she could keep her quiet.  Kay thought it was fun to run up and down the hallways and we tried to stop her from doing that and disturbing the other patients on the floor.  Finally after DH and I were able to talk a little I tried getting MJ over to me to give me a hug and say goodbye, but she wasn't interested.  Then I offered her some of the food off of my dinner tray and she perked right up.  It turns out that she was starving and she absolutely loved the pudding that I offered her!  In fact the only way they were able to bribe her to leave without screaming was to take the pudding container with them with a plastic spoon to feed her with.

Just before DH showed up the nurse came in to give me some oral pain meds and then a little while later she capped off my epidural.  She had also contacted the anesthesiologist to see if he could stop by later this evening or in the morning to take out my epidural.  Luckily he was able to come by before he went off shift that night and it was a pretty quick procedure having that pulled out.  It felt good to finally be able to scratch my back without the fear of upsetting the placement of the epidural.  The nurse also offered to take out my catheter, but I am a little hesitant because that means that I will have to get up out of bed more to use the bathroom and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that!

Before I settled down for the night I took one more walk.  I got in a total of 1.5 miles before I finished for the day.  It felt good to be up and about walking around!

I think I actually got a little bit of sleep last night. It's so hard trying to find a comfortable position and it just hurts to move at all if it involves my stomach muscles. I forgot to mention in my last post that when I am laying in bed they have these things that I wear on my calves that blow up like a balloon every 30 seconds or so. It alternates and blows up one leg at a time. It is supposed to help keep the blood flowing through my legs and hopefully prevent any blood clots from forming.

I took a little bit of nausea medicine last night and today. I haven't felt really nauseous, I just want to prevent it from getting any worse. My swelling has gone down some today and I can actually open my eyes all the way. The nurse took some tape off of my left wrist last night from where I had an I.V. or something during the surgery and it is all blue and bruised underneath. This morning the nurse heard me coughing some because of my cold and offered to attach a humidifier to my breathing tube so I could breathe a little easier.

I've been a little frustrated with some lack of communication that appears to be going on between the different people that are taking care of me. My main surgeon's assistant came in and took a look at me today and said that everything was looking really good and that since I was feeling fine I should be able to move up to solids today and have anything I wanted to eat. She also said that I should be able to have my catheter taken out because the epidural was up high enough that it shouldn't be interfering with my bladder function. Less than an hour later I had lunch brought into me and it said on the food order on the tray that it was a clear liquid only diet again! I was not too happy when I saw that and I mentioned to the person that brought it in that I had just been told that I could move up to a solid food diet. She said she would check with my nurse and then she came back and said that I could move up to a full liquid diet - which means some thicker solids like tomato or chowder soups and pudding. So a little bit better than what I was initially given, but still not terribly appetizing!

The surgeon's assistant also asked me when I was thinking I would like to go home and I said that it would be nice to be home for Christmas Day, but I also didn't want to rush anything and was okay staying there if I wasn't quite ready. She said that we would have to see and that it depended on a whole chain of events taking place. (Switch to oral pain meds, cap off the epidural, make sure the oral pain meds were enough, remove the epidural, remove the catheter, transition to solids, remove the IV from my neck.)

Around lunchtime my mom went over to watch MJ and Kay so DH could come spend a few hours with me. I feel like I'm not very exciting company at this point though because I'm still very tired and can't move around much at all.

I was able to get up several times today and I even made a lap around the whole floor once. There are some nice big windows at the end of the hallways and it was a nice view looking out of some of them (my room is on the 10th floor).

DH left before dinnertime so he could eat with the family and then bring the kids back to see me for the first time since my surgery. My sister also stopped by with her family and they brought me a cute little Christmas tree with some homemade popcorn garland and ornaments on it. Everyone that came in after that commented on my cute Christmas tree. That afternoon before my sister got there they decided to give me two more units of blood because my counts were still low.

After dinner my kids came to visit me! DH was holding MJ and at first she didn't see me, but once she did her face completely lit up! She started saying, "Mommy, Mommy!" I had decided to be seated on the couch when the kids came by instead of the bed so that they could sit next to me and hug me a little better. DH came over to me and set MJ down on the couch next to me and she was content to just sit there snuggled up by my side. Amazingly she didn't try crawling all over me and pulling or poking at everything I was hooked up to. Kay was also very excited and she was very interested in what everything was that I was hooked up to and what all of my owies were. Then once she was finished asking me questions she decided to explore around the room trying and get into everything that she shouldn't be doing. My parents came just right after my family and they enjoyed watching how happy MJ was just sitting there with me. The family wasn't able to stay too long because of MJ and Kay being pills, but it was good seeing them all and letting them see me so they could see that I was okay. It was also nice being able to talk to the older kids and ask them about their last few days of school. We discussed if the family would come by on Saturday and visit me and discussed possibly having M&M come over and spend a few hours with me by herself. We'll have to see if we can work something out so that can happen.

They tried having me get up a little yesterday evening. I got up and got my legs hanging off the side of the bed and then I felt really nauseous and had to lay back down again. I slept horribly last night. Someone came in at least once every hour to do something to me and there were so many noises going on - toilets flushing, doors closing, machines beeping. I also couldn't find a comfortable position for my back and neck... One nurse came in a around 4 in the morning and said "good morning" and turned the overhead light on! He had come in to draw some blood for lab work and I asked if he could just use my port so he checked with my nurse and found out that they could, so he left the stuff to have her do it.

Both surgeons came in to on check on me in the morning and they both said that things went really well during the surgey and that I was looking really good. I asked my main surgeon if they could take out the IV line going into my neck but she said not yet in case they need to give me more blood. Iwas able to get up in the morning and transfer to a chair to sit in for a while. It felt good to be in a different position. I then had all different sorts of therapists come in and talk to me about different things. One of them was a respiratory therapist who brought a small breathing machine that he taught me to use to help strengthen my lungs after the surgery. He had me do it a few times and then said I needed to try and do it 10 times an hour while I am awake. Then he said he wanted me to cough as hard as I could. I didn't want to because I knew it would kill me. I finally did though and since I still have a bit of a cold, it was a loud, horrible sounding cough that made me have to cough a few more times. He said that that was good because it would help prevent pneumonia in my lungs.

The nurses in the morning asked if I wanted to clean up a little in the bathroom today, but I didn't feel like I was up for it yet. They did bring stuff to me so I could brush my teeth though.

For lunch I was able to eat chicken broth, jello and some Italian shaved ice. I then got up and walked a little down the hallway. The physical therapist walked with me and she helped me put my shoes on to walk in. Apparently my feet are pretty swollen because she had to loosen up the laces a ton before they would fit on. I was pretty tired again most of the day, but the swelling has gone down some. My parents stopped by with some flowers in the morning and then DH spent a good chunk of the rest of the day with me. One of my neighbors stopped by and chatted with us for a while which was really nice. Dinner was some beef broth with jello and more shaved ice. The beef broth tasted totally salty so I complained and they brought me some more chicken broth instead.

We had thought about bringing the kids by to see me but decided to wait until Friday. Instead he left a little earlier so the kids could talk to me and see me through Skype. I think that MJ especially is having a hard time with me being gone.

The hardest and most painful part for me is just getting up and down because of the stomach muscles that are used. I still have the epidural in for my pain meds and because of that I have a catheter in my bladder and an oxygen tube in my nose. I also have to keep a blood oxygen sensor on the pointer finger of my left hand (which makes it difficult to type).

Well, I made it through the surgery and both surgeons were very pleased with how things went. I had to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. to get registered and do some pre-op things. Then there was some confusion when they discovered that I had a port (even though I told them that when the hospital called with some pre-registration questions on Monday). So they had to wheel me all the way across the hospital complex a few buildings over to get my port accessed and then they had to wheel me all the way back. Apparently that made some people a little irritated because it put them behind schedule.

When I finally got to the operating room, I met the liver surgeon and then they took me in the room to get an epidural started to manage the pain. After that they laid me down on the bed and I don't remember anything after that until they were trying to wake me up and told me that the surgery was over.

They started with the liver part of the surgery and apparently there were two small spots there. It had looked like just one on the CT scans. The liver transplant surgeon was able to successfully remove both of those spots with a clear margin around both. They said that it looked like the tumors started on the surface of the liver so they most likely had migrated over from the original ovarian tumor instead of entering the liver through the bloodstream. That was some really good news because it means that the cancer might not be as widespread as originally thought. That part of the surgery took about 1 1/2 hours. The total surgery was about 5 hours. The main surgeon then took over and she said she was really pleased with how the surgery went and how well the chemotherapy had shrunk everything. They did a hysterectomy and removed my omentum as well as some small spots here and there that they found. They also took biopsies of most of my organs. They had to remove a portion of my diaphram, a tiny spot or two on the bladder and then a small, second appendix that I had for some reason.

When they brought me out of sedation I felt really nauseous and sick and I ended up throwing up a couple of times. They quickly gave me some anti-nausea medicine to counteract that. I was in the post-surgery recovery room for an hour or two until I was stable. They gave me two units of blood while I was there. I was really dry in the mouth and finally was able to get them to bring me some ice chips. I couldn't get enough of those. It also took me a while to finally get them to bring in a pillow to put under my knees. My back was killing me!

Then I was taken up to my room where DH was already waiting for me. Man did I feel out of it. I ended up just laying there trying to sleep. I heard DH call a few people on the phone. I had a really hard time finding a comfortable position for my back, neck and belly and it really hurt to try and change positions. I was pretty swollen after the surgery and had a hard time opening my eyes all the way. I have tubes and wires poking out everywhere. The worst one is an I.V. that sticks straight out from my neck. It is a large I.V. so they can give me things like blood through it. It looks pretty gruesome though.

DH ended up leaving around 8:00 to go home and take care of the kids for the night - my parents had been watching them all day.

Trying to finish up some last minute things today. I found out this afternoon that I have to report to the hospital at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow! I'll tell you, it is hard to not eat anything when you are spending your whole day feeding kids and being around food! It's been hard for me to remember to not pop something in my mouth here and there! I started on the Miralax about an hour ago and I can already feel it making its way through my system! My bathroom and I will be good friends by the end of the day!

MJ and I both stayed home from church yesterday. With my cold and surgery coming up, I don't want to catch anything else before my surgery! I used the time at home to finish up most of the Christmas wrapping. Just a few things left. This morning I did the last of my grocery shopping. I've been doing a lot of baking the last couple of days - trying out a few new cookie recipes. I think I will freeze some of them so we can eat them after my surgery. DH and the kids minus MJ went to a Bishopric family party this evening. I think they all had a good time. They had a White Elephant Exchange and I think the kids all liked the gift they came home with. I am not looking forward to tomorrow! After midnight tonight I will be on a clear liquids only diet. Basically the only thing I can eat are jello and popsicles. Other than that I can only drink liquids that are clear - such as fruit juices, sports drink, sodas, water, and a few other things. I'm a little concerned because since I started my chemo treatments, I tend to get nauseous when my stomach is empty. The other thing I have to do tomorrow is take some laxative tablets and then a whole 14 day bottle of Miralax to clean out my bowels before surgery on Wednesday! The bathroom and I will be close friends by the end of the day tomorrow...

Well, I finally did it - shaved my head! The last day or two I haven't liked how my hats were looking with the little bit of wispy hair that I had left so I cut it. I cut the long hairs with the scissors and then I had DH help me shave as close to the scalp as we could with our hair clippers. I still have a little bit of hair which makes it feel prickly, but I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to use a razor on my scalp yet. We all think it looks much better - although the kids were a bit surprised when I came downstairs with no hair.

Some good news - my jaw/tooth feels perfectly fine now. Thankfully whatever was bothering it is gone and hopefully will stay gone.

More good news - I finished the last of my Christmas shopping today! I also spent a good chunk of my morning yesterday wrapping presents and I am probably more than 50% done.

Some bad news - I came down with a cold and cough which is keeping me and my husband up at night! Hopefully I will get over it quickly...

DH and I went to Luke's class play this morning and then to meet with the surgeon this afternoon. She spent quite a bit of time talking to us about my upcoming surgery and answered any questions we had. She also did an exam on me and is very pleased with how mobile everything feels and how everything has shrunk considerably. She is very confident that the surgery will be successful and that they will be able to remove all the cancer that is visible and give me a good chance of a successful recovery. Her only concern is the tumor (or lesion) on my liver. It is in just about the worst spot it could be as far as being able to get to it. It is on the backside of the liver in the upper right corner. The tumor there has shrunk to more than half of its original size and she is confident that if they can get to it it will be fairly easy to resect that portion of it. They have been in contact with a liver transplant specialist and are trying to arrange it so that she can be there on hand to help my surgeon with the liver part of the surgery to ensure that we have a successful outcome there.

The not so good news is that this is going to be a huge vertical incision - from the top of the pubic bone all the way up to my sternum! The way she was talking it sounds like the absolute earliest she would think I might be home afterwards would be Christmas day. Everything will depend on how quickly I am able to get up and moving after the surgery and that I am able to manage the pain enough that I can manage at home with prescription medications. She emphasized that each person is different and it is very individual on how quickly one is able to recover from a surgery this major. The surgery itself will probably take about 3-4 hours! I will be first on the schedule which probably means we will have to be at the hospital around 6:00 in the morning again - I will find out next Tuesday when I call in to get my instructions. I also get to eat (drink) a clear liquid only diet the day before the surgery to make sure that my bowels are all cleared out and take a bottle of Miralax and some capsules of Dulcolax (both laxatives). Fun, fun, fun!

Oh, my tooth/jaw if feeling somewhat better today. I didn't mention in my last post that one of the reasons I am concerned about the pain is that it is in the spot where I have my implant and where I had my oral surgery (apicoectomy) several years ago, so it has been a problem spot in the past.

My goal right now is to get everything for Christmas taken care of before the 21st - including all the wrapping so that it will just be a matter of setting everything out once I get home from the hospital. Right now I am almost done with all of the shopping - just a few sibling gifts that I need to take the kids with me to help pick out.

Mailed off my Christmas packages this morning! That felt good! This is by far the earliest I have ever done that! There were just two people in line at the Post Office when I got there.

This afternoon I had to drive the Jordan Youth Symphony carpool for M&M and 4 other kids from her school. I drive them every other week. Today I wore my wig and a couple of the girls commented on my new hairdo. One of the girls asked if I got my haircut. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that so I said that it was a new hairstyle. Then on the way home two of the kids (siblings that live a couple of doors away from us) were asking M&M about my new hairstyle. She said she was trying to explain to them so that they could figure it out for themselves, but they didn't quite get what she was saying until she came out and told them that it was a wig! She got a good laugh out of that! She said she was trying to explain that I was going through chemo for my cancer treatment and that hair usually falls out... Then I got my hair cut, but my hair has still been falling out... It was funny to hear the story afterwards. Emily's first comment when she walked in the door from being dropped off was, "Well Mom, your wig works!"

I've been battling a sore tooth/jaw that started hurting on Saturday. I hope it is not something serious that I am going to have to go into the dentist for. Hopefully it is just a slight irritation or infection that has been made worse by my low blood counts. I am monitoring my temperature and then trying to take better care in my brushing and flossing and mouth rinse. I'm also trying an essential oil called Clove on the area. If it starts feeling worse over the next day or two I should probably go in to see the dentist... Other than that and a headache that comes and goes, I feel fine.

As a side note - I have been participating in another clinical trial where I call into a phone helpline each day to answer questions with an automated system on the side effects of my chemo treatments. Sometimes there are some helpful tips that they give during the call to help deal with the effects of the chemo. Usually around this time in the calls they start advising you to not floss your teeth for about a week to minimize the chances of getting a cut in your mouth that will then get infected by bacteria from food or other causes. I just think that's an interesting piece of advice - to not floss your teeth because it could cause an infection instead of it helping to clean out the bacteria. I think with this recent mouth problem it has been me notflossing my teeth that has caused the problem...

This morning MJ and I just went to Sacrament Meeting again. Unfortunately MJ was in a bad mood this morning and DH ended up walking home with her at the end of Sacrament Meeting because she was out of control. The kids and I searched around for them after church and then concluded that they must have gone home already. We facetimed with DH's mom this evening. It's been a while since we've talked with her. We stayed up way too late though!

This morning was our ward Christmas party. It was a ward breakfast/activity this year. DH took all the older kids and I stayed home with MJ.

This evening DH and I went to the Sounds of the Season concert. I wore my wig out in public again (actually I have several times this week - just nowhere where I would run into someone that knows me). When DH and I got to the high school, there standing right at the doors to the auditorium was our bishop and the husband of another person from our ward (both of their wives are in the choir). I felt totally embarrassed and not ready to run into people that I know! We shook hands with them and then I quickly ducked into the auditorium to find a seat before the concert started. Then towards the end of the program I noticed a family from our ward sitting a few rows behind us in our section. We ended up talking to them afterwards for a few minutes and then we quickly left the building. I really would have liked to have gone up and said "hi" to everyone in the orchestra & choir that I know, but I am trying to limit the amount of face-to-face contact that I have with people right now. I am at the beginning of the low-point of my white and red blood cell counts and would like to avoid as many germs as possible. My parents who sing in the choir ended up coming to our house afterwards to visit for a few minutes and to say "hi" to the kids.

Apparently the nurse-practitioner from my oncologist's office called yesterday and left a message which I didn't notice until today. She said that the CT scans looked really good and that the tumors have shrunk quite a bit which is very encouraging. That means that the chemo is working and my body is responding very well to it.

Yesterday I wore my wig out in public for the first time. I've been wearing it around the house a little to get used to it and to try and style it more the way I want. Then yesterday I had to go to BestBuy to pick up something and then run a few other errands, so I decided to try out my wig. When I got to the store and got out of the car to go around and get the kids out, I saw someone from my neighborhood who had also just gotten out of their car and was walking towards the store. I saw her and looked straight at her to say "hi" to her, but she didn't even look at me or acknowledge me at all. I just started chuckling to myself because I think the wig is a very different look for me and this lady did not recognize me at all!

My CT scan was scheduled for later that afternoon so I found someone that could watch the two little ones for me for about 30 minutes until M&M got home from school. MJ was quite sad when I left her. Hopefully one of these days she won't cry when I have to leave her at someone's house... I had to get my blood drawn first for my lab work and then they left my port accessed as we went to another part of the building for my CT scan. I had to drink the Barium drink again and I had a hard time getting it down this time. Nasty flavor and aftertaste... I had the mixed berry flavor again, but it just tasted gross this time around. It was a pretty quick procedure - I think I was away from DH for less than 10 minutes. Afterwards we were supposed to go over to the U of U Hospital Imaging department to pick up a copy of the CT scan to take to my surgeon's office. First I had to go back downstairs to have my port de-accessed and then it took us several minutes to get over to the University Hospital and apparently the imaging office closes at 5:00 which is when we got there and there was no one around to help us. Luckily my surgeon was just able to have her office call over there to get a copy of the scan couriered to their office before my appointment the following Tuesday. We had dinner brought over to us that evening again which helped a lot since we didn't get home until around 6:00 again.

Okay, I need the rumor mill to please stop... I've had several people approach me now saying that they have heard that I have been having a bad week and that is not true. So, please know that I am not having a bad week, in fact today I feel perfectly fine and I would appreciate it if the rumors about my condition would stop. I'm not sure who is passing on this rumor, but if it was from reading this blog then you have read more into it than I have written there.

Also please know that my family is very capable of handling most things on our own and that my kids are old enough to help out around the house and with each other. If I need help, I will ask for it! Even though I don't ask for help a lot, I do know my limits and will ask for it when it is needed! Thank you!

Side effects so far from chemo treatment #3:

- Super tired - Since Saturday I have just wanted to lay around not doing too much of anything. My sleep has been good some nights and poor other nights. Saturday morning I went to the two baptisms for our ward and played some prelude & interlude music for it. It's been a while since I've played like that. That night I didn't sleep too well with Kay waking up partway through the night and then her waking up MJ when I tried to take her back to bed. My husband is also battling some head congestion so his sleep has been a little more noisy than usual - keeping me up in the middle of the night. I ended up sending the family to church without me and then I joined them for Sacrament Meeting.

- Lack of taste - Quite a few foods just have no taste to me the first week or so after my chemo. Two of the foods that have the most altered taste that I have noticed are yogurt and chocolate. Yogurt just tastes nasty to me and chocolate has hardly any taste at all. On Sunday I made a potato/cheese soup for dinner that the whole family loves and I sat down and ate a bite and could hardly taste anything - it was very disappointing!

- Tingling - The tingling in my fingers and feet hasn't seemed to be as bad so far this time around. I am crossing my fingers that it will not get any worse.

- Headache - My head has been absolutely pounding these last couple of days. It makes it hard to think clearly and I find myself super short-tempered all day long - especially with the kids.


Yesterday I put my wig on after my shower in the morning and came down to show Kay and MJ. Kay immediately saw me and said, "Whoa! I like that on you." MJ just sat there staring at me for the longest time trying to figure out what was going on! I think the wig looks fine. It is just a very different look for me - not my usual style so it will take a little bit of getting used to. I figure that I need to start feeling comfortable wearing it around the house or I will never feel comfortable enough to wear it outside of the house. I think I want to take a little bit of time to try styling it a little more to my liking, but so far I haven't had the energy to do that.

Sickness is abounding in our household! DH, MJ, M&M and Blondie all have coughs/colds and I think we have had some type of stomach virus going around the house as well. DH was up for a good chunk of the night last night with some stomach problems and MJ and Kay have had a little bit of something too - luckily no throwing up... My bowels have not been completely happy either, but I'm not sure if it is the same thing or side-effects from my chemo. MJ has been super whiny today and I hope that she starts to feel better soon! I don't have a lot of energy right now to deal with sick kids...

I actually felt pretty good most of the day today. I got up and took the kids to Parents & Pastries before school and then spent the day changing bed sheets and doing laundry - a never ending job in a family of 8! I did crash for a little while in the afternoon, but other than that really no problems so far after my third chemo treatment.

Chemo treatment #3 today. I had an appointment for lab work and to meet with the Dr. beforehand, and it was super busy and it took forever to get through the appointment. Because of that my chemo appointment started really late and it felt like we were there forever! Luckily we didn't have much traffic on the ride home, but we didn't get back until about 6:45 that evening (and we left around 9:15 in the morning)... My parents were able to tag team it during the day so someone was always here with the kids.

The only reaction I had once again was to the Benadryl - within just a few minutes of it entering my bloodstream I can feel it go straight to my head and make me a little woozy and super tired. It's definitely a weird feeling!

The nurse practitioner couldn't feel anything of my tumor and they are confident with the upcoming surgery that the surgeon will be successful in getting the bulk of the cancer out of me. They are also hopeful that the nerve damage in my fingers and feet will have some time to repair itself between this third chemo treatment and when I start up again after the surgery - probably 5-6 weeks after.

My main goal now is to get everything bought and ready for Christmas before my surgery on the 21st! Wish me luck!

Sorry it's been over a week since I last posted here! There hasn't really been a lot to post about. If it wasn't for my hair loss and a little bit of tingling in my finger and being a bit more tired than usual, I wouldn't even know that I was sick... Overall I feel pretty fine and normal and it's hard to believe that I really have cancer.

Last week was pretty eventful with the Thanksgiving holiday. Two of my brothers and their families came from out of town to visit. I picked up my younger brother and his family from the airport Tuesday evening and fed them dinner at my house before taking them over to my parents' house. We all met up for dinner at my parents' house on Thanksgiving day. Then on Friday some of us went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point and then we all met up for dinner again that evening. M&M and I made a bunch of treats to take over with us for dessert. On Saturday my family spent the day cleaning and putting up our Christmas tree and decorations. Really the only thing left to do is put the lights up on the outside of the house.

I went to all of church on Sunday. People ask me all the time how I am doing and the only way I know to respond is that I am feeling fine. That seems kind of weird considering the fact that I have cancer, but really I just feel fine. I had a primary meeting after church and then later on in the afternoon we went over to my parents' house for dinner again.

I got a call from nurse Stephanie this afternoon informing me that my blood counts were pretty low last time. She said to give them a call if I get a fever and to wash my hands often and stay away from sick people. I got off the phone and thought, "Yeah, but that was almost a week ago already." Hopefully my numbers will be fine for Wednesday so that we don't have to postpone my next chemo treatment.

I still have a little fringe of hair so I just wear hats everywhere. DH would like to shave it because he doesn't like how it looks without a hat, but I think it makes the hats look more normal. My guess is that after my next chemo treatment the rest of it will fall out.

Yesterday I spent the day doing some cleaning/organizing and getting the laundry put away. I took a couple of the kids to the library and then a quick stop at the grocery store. I had a hankering for some pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting so M&M and I made the bars yesterday and then frosted them today. Delicious!!

I didn't sleep great last night for some reason. I wish I could just get a decent night's sleep and not keep waking up 2 or 3 times a night... I had a scout meeting before church this morning and then ended up going to the whole 3 hour block of church - even though I wasn't planning on doing so at first. Right now my immune system is supposed to be at its lowest point so I need to be really careful around people. They say around day 8-14 from my chemo treatment is when my white blood cell count will typically be at its lowest. It's been hard though because that is around the time when I really start feeling better and have more energy and yet I'm supposed to avoid crowds and people that are sick (which is going to be hard as we go into winter/sick season here). I've been battling a headache all day. I'm not sure if it is from the chemo or from not having slept well last night.

I just have a very thin fringe of hair at this point. I still look okay with a hat, but it is looking very thin and wispy. I have a few comb-over type strands on the top of my head and then a little bit on the sides. My kids think it looks like an old man. Unfortunately my scalp is very sensitive with pimple-like bumps on a good portion of it - not very comfortable at all - and it itches...

I'm still having problems regulating my body temperature. It most likely has something to do with the hormone shot to shut down my ovaries - it's supposed to be like going through menopause. My hands and feet are particularly sensitive, and it doesn't help that the tips of my fingers are tingly. It feels like I have poor circulation in them.

I still have a little bit of hair and I'm surprised that I look as normal as I do with a hat on - without it is a different story. My kids are always curious to see how I am looking so I took my hat off for them the other day and showed them and just about all of them responded with, "Ewww, gross!" Nice feeling... I think my husband is dying to shave my head so maybe we will do it this weekend. I'm having a hard time letting go of the last of it though especially since it looks fine with my hats. My scalp is still super sensitive and itchy.

I finally found a hat to sleep in at night! A friend from the ward stopped by on Thursday and dropped off a hat that she had bought for me at Huntsman and it is perfect for me for sleeping in. It is a soft knit that comes down a little lower and has some elastic in the back so it fits a little better and doesn't fall off of me when I turn over in bed.

Today I made dinner for the first time since my last chemo treatment. We have had so many kind, generous people that have wanted to bring meals since my last treatment that we have had tons of food. I think the kids miss some of our regular meals so I since I was feeling fine I decided to make one of our family meals that we haven't had in a while. I had great responses from the kids when they saw it too!