Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I've been feeling pretty good physically and been trying to get off of the pain meds totally. I can't believe that it's only been 3 weeks since my surgery! The other day I tried not taking anything and I realized how sore I still am! My right side especially is sore - which is understandable since that is where my liver was operated on and they also took out a small section of my diaphram. The tumor was embedded in my diaphram so they had to take a small chunk of that out as well. My surgeon said that I will probably be sore for a while on that side, especially when I breathe deeply, until it is all healed.
The last couple of nights I haven't slept too well. I'm not sure if it is because of the pain from my surgery or just stress or worry. I've been a little down lately thinking about what the future might hold for me and my family. My life has definitely been on a different track at this point than I ever thought it would be. I try and stay optimistic, but sometimes fear of the unknown really gets to me. It's also hard for me not being able to pick up my baby! I get concerned that I don't have the energy to give my kids the kind of attention that they need at this young stage in their lives. I don't think it's fair to them that their mother is sick and unable to do some things with them.
Okay, enough ranting for now. Here's to hoping for better days ahead - and lots of them!!
And on a more positive note, I've finally lost some of that baby weight that I've been holding onto for so long! (Okay, maybe the tumor on my ovaries had something to do with the extra weight around my middle too.) I've lost about 25 pounds since last September, so at least there's a little bit of positive from this whole ordeal!
Ha ha ha! That's about as good as me saying I've lost 10 pounds because I can't swallow. Remember that talk from Elder Worthlin about "the Law of Compensation"? I like to re-read it when I have those days I physically cannot get out of bed, can't make it to firesides or leave the kids to find all their meals on their own. No one can understand what you are feeling and experiencing, but there are those of us who are going through something similar. You will be blessed, some way or another. You've blessed my life and have shown me how to have grace and dignity when you least want to to. You're a beacon of hope, most especially for me.
ReplyDeleteYou are just amazing! Your kids know it, just like the rest of us do. You continue to amaze me with your strength. It is good to see that your not a super human. :) I don't know how you have been able to do so much and be so positive. Thanks for being you. We all love you.
ReplyDeleteStephanie, from my observations you can lose the ability for a time to do some things you would like as a Mother and still be a great mother. I'm confident that it won't be long before you're back to doing what you want to do. The only down side will be that you are going to have to get checked every few months to make certain that no cancer cells have returned and if they do they can be quickly zapped. You have great kids and they understand your temporary limitations--even the little ones.
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