Pretty routine CT scan today - if I can even call it that.  I decided to do the alternative to the barium drink again - that stuff just does not agree with my digestive system.  It's something that they mix with sterile water and I haven't had the same problems that I have had with the barium.  It does have quite a nasty taste though so I'm glad that they allow you to mix some Crystal Light with it.  I have to get there a little earlier though so that I can get the drink there and start drinking it.  I decided to have them keep my port accessed since I will have an infusion tomorrow.

Well, yesterday I had a dentist appointment and things are not looking good with my mouth...  I have been very good about brushing and flossing since a few years ago when I had to have some extensive dental work done and I have been going to the dentist regularly - at least twice a year.  Well, yesterday the dentist found 5 cavities on my teeth and he said that I had more plaque build-up than he has ever seen on my teeth...  He kept making comments on how damaging to the mouth a lot of these cancer drugs are.  This is making me question even more if I want to stay on the Avastin or not...  I have to go back in to get the cavities drilled out and filled and the dentist is putting me on a prescription fluoride toothpaste.  He said that if that doesn't work at keeping the cavities at bay then we may have to switch to me sleeping with fluoride trays on my teeth at night.  He said that he has several other patients who have had dental problems while undergoing cancer treatments and a couple of them he has had to switch to the fluoride trays.  Definitely more to think about now...

I contacted my Huntsman group through email today asking about my upcoming CT scan next Tuesday.  I'm a little concerned with all of the scans that my body has been through over the last year and I know that my surgeon is concerned with the frequency of the abdominal CT scans right now.  The nurse called me back and we discussed it a little.  If I decide that I don't want to have the scans every three months then I will have to drop out of the study that I am in - which means no more IV infusions of the Avastin every 3 weeks (at least not paid for by the study).  Right now it is something that I am considering.  Every time I talk to any kind of doctor and mention how often my scans are, the response is universal:  That's a lot of radiation...  I was at the kids' pediatrician yesterday and she said the same thing, which is making me question the frequency as well.  My other question for my oncologist was that if I wasn't in this study, would she recommend the same frequency of scans.  Unfortunately the nurse did not give me a satisfactory answer.  It was something to the effect of she might, but it would all depend on the status of the cancer of the body - which for me is non-detectible - if there is any...  My gut feeling is that my doctor would not prescribe this many scans for me if I wasn't in the study - the nurse is just trying to give a non-committal answer.  A few visits ago when I was at my surgeon's office I asked her what the standard treatment would be if I was at her office alone and she said that it would maybe be scans once a year at the most.  Most likely they would only order a scan if there was some other indication that the cancer was coming back - such as abdominal pain or bloating or my CA-125 number rising.

I asked the nurse what the protocol is for scans for the study I am on.  She talked to the study coordinator and found out that it is abdominal scans every 3 months for the first two years (from the date of my last chemo session).  Then it is every 6 months for the 3 years following that and then it goes to yearly.  I am free to drop out of the study at any time.  I guess the question I need to think about and decide is if I think the benefits of the tests and the Avastin outweigh any possible side-effects that may come my way.

I had my Avastin infusion yesterday morning.  No lab work needed to be done so it was a relatively quick appointment.  The only hiccup was when the nurse came to deaccess my port.  The two of us were talking about books that our boys were reading and she pulled out the needle and after a few seconds she glanced down and noticed that there was blood pouring out of my port!  By the time we noticed there was a problem it was all over the front of my shirt.  She quickly put the bandaid on it and then applied pressure to my port.  After a minute or two it had stopped and the nurses put a big piece of gauze and a large bandaid over it.  The nurse who had deaccessed me said that she had never seen a port do that before, but another nurse said that it happens every once in a while so she didn't seem too concerned.  I wonder if the Avastin is causing my blood to take longer to coagulate.  I will have to mention it to my doctor the next time I come in.

Here is a picture of my shirt when I came home.  The nurse felt really bad and offered me some hydrogen peroxide to use there at Huntsman, but I didn't want to have to go home with a wet shirt so I declined.

This morning when I took the bandaid off I noticed that the skin covering my port was all yellow - I'm not sure if that is bruising from the pressure on it yesterday or if it is blood under the skin.  I will just have to keep an eye on it.

I'm reminded again today just have fragile life is...

On my drive to my infusion this morning (I left around 6:15 a.m.), I heard a news report on the radio that there had been an auto-pedestrian accident at an intersection very close to my house.  I didn't think much about it until my husband called around 8:00 a.m. to tell me that that section of road was blocked off (and this was more than an hour after I first heard about the accident).  I looked around on the internet to see if I could find any news reports on the accident and the only thing I found was what I already knew.  Then on my drive home I purposely drove by that section of road and it was still blocked off - there was a fire truck there and they were hosing down a section of the road.  When I got home I found that the news report had been updated and that it was a middle school gym teacher who was jogging to school and had been hit and killed!  I knew immediately that it was M&M's gym teacher.  He is in our church stake and I have frequently seen him jogging to or from the school for work.  He has been teaching at the school for 17 years.  We have seen him frequently outside of the school setting at church events and he has a son that was in the marching band with M&M.  Right after I had read that news report I got a message from M&M confirming that it was in fact her teacher.  This was her response after I asked a few questions:

"It was really sad, we passed it on our way to seminary. A couple of girls in our class were there when it happened, and when they came in they were shaking, so when our class found out it was pretty much dead silent."

I had just been commenting over the last month or two about how neat (and strange at the same time) it was to see so many people that we associate with on a non-church level at church functions.  I have seen M&M's gym teacher at numerous events both with the church and marching band in the last little while.  Even though I did not associate with him on a personal level, I am saddened to think about those people that he was close to and how it will affect them.  It really brings to home the fact that life is so very fragile and any of us can be taken home to our Heavenly Father at any time.  That fact hit me really hard last year when I was first diagnosed with cancer and even though my life has been prolonged for the moment, it is events like these that make me realize that I need to be grateful for every second that is given to me and spend my time and energy on those things and people that are most important to me.  

My thoughts and prayers are with this teacher's family & friends at this time.  I hope they will find peace and feel of Heavenly Father's love.

Had a pretty full day today.  I started out with my mom coming over to watch the kids for me so I could go to my appointment with my surgeon.  It was a pretty routine visit and everything looks fine as far as she can tell.  (Although my blood pressure always seems to be really high when I am in that office!)  I think she is a little concerned with how often I am having CT scans done, but it is because of the study that I am on...  I'm not sure if there is much I can do about that...

After my doctor's visit I went to get my second haircut.  The lady that has been cutting my hair said that my hair in the front just isn't growing as quickly as the hair in the back and on the sides.  That is something that I had noticed as well but I thought that maybe I was just imagining it!  She cut a little more off of the back and sides since it has grown so much since my last visit - already 6 weeks ago!  I was definitely feeling shaggy again!  I especially don't like the hair around my ears when it gets long!  My hairdresser thinks that I will probably need one or two more cuts before it is all an even length on the top.  Then I'll need to decide if I want to keep this length or not.

After my hair appointment I fed the girls lunch and then my dad came over to watch the girls while I went to the dermatologist for a follow-up appointment.  The dermatologist was really pleased with how my side was healing and said that she didn't think we needed to do anything more to it unless I start to feel it coming back.  She then asked if there was anything else that she could do for me and I asked her about a couple of red, raised spots that I have had on my skin for years.  She said that they could be easily removed and that she could do it right then if I wanted.  So she numbed up both spots and scraped them off and then bandaged them up.  One of the spots is on my chest and whenever I would wear a lower cut shirt MJ in particular would play with it whenever she was sitting in my lap.  I was given some vaseline to keep the spots from drying out and told to keep them covered.  Apparently dermatologists are finding that people are becoming sensitive to many of the topical creams out there so they just recommend that you put vaseline on any spots that need to heal instead of something like Neosporin or some of the other creams out there.  I thought that that was interesting.

After my dermatologist visit I got home and was able to sit down for just a few minutes before M&M came home and I needed to take her to get her hair cut - it has been a long while for her and I have always been the one to cut it.  I thought that she might like a more professional cut this time (plus she wanted some bangs) so I took her to the lady in the neighborhood that has been cutting mine - nice and convenient.

Then I came home and made dinner, rushed off to a pack meeting for our cub scout pack and then rushed off to the last hour of my Sounds of the Season rehearsal.  I am loving playing with this group again - I missed it last year - and they actually needed a bassoon this year so we are having M&M play with us as well.  It's been pretty fun playing with her and helping her out with the music.  She is doing really good for being as young as she is and having not even been playing bassoon for 2 years yet!

It was a super busy day today!!

Here is a really good talk given by Brad Wilcox about the Grace of Jesus Christ - excellent analogy and explanation.

Things have been a little crazy lately.  I keep hearing of more and more people diagnosed with different types of cancer...  There are two people close to our family right now that are dealing with cancer - one is currently going through chemo treatments for breast cancer and the other is going through lots of testing and scans right now to determine if it is cancer and how best to treat it.  The second person is undergoing a major surgery today.  All of this has been bringing back so many memories of what I went through a little over a year ago now...  I remember so clearly all of the tests and scans and doctors' visits and phone calls with more bad news - just when you have been hoping and praying that you would finally get the good news that you have been wanting so desperately to hear...  Even though I have gone through (and continue to go through) some similar experiences, I still don't know what to say to people in the middle of it.  Each type of cancer is a little bit different and each personal experience is different as well.  Our family's thoughts and prayers are with each of you right now.

Got my results from the breast MRI - no sign of anything abnormal.  Those are the results that I like to hear!

My CA-125 number is now down to 19!

I've had a little bit of eye-twitching in my left eye once again.  It comes and goes.  Not sure if it is related to the infusion or not.

Went in for a Breast MRI this morning, followed up by a dr's appt with my oncologist at Huntsman and then an infusion.  I had to be at the clinic at 7:30 a.m. for lab work and then went over for my MRI appt at 8:15.  I was a little nervous about the MRI because the one I had a year ago wasn't very pleasant.  For the breast MRI you have to lay face down on the table and then you go inside the machine backwards.  This one was actually not too bad.  I definitely prefer the way they do the scan at Huntsman to the way it was done at St. Mark's last year.  At St. Mark's they told me that they would not be able to talk to me at all during the scan and I wasn't allowed to listen to any music - they just had head phones on my ears to dampen the sound of the scan.  At first it wasn't too bad but then you lose all sense of time and at one point I almost started to panic, wondering when it would be over.  At Huntsman the lady put me on the table and made sure that I was comfortable and then she said there would be a series of 4 scans - the first three were about 4-6 minutes each and then the last one would be the longest at 8-9 minutes.  She said that she would talk to me in-between each one and then she let me pick what kind of music I wanted to listen to.  It was definitely a much more pleasant experience!

Once my scan was done I had almost 2 hours before my dr's appt.  So I walked over to the waiting room for my clinic and then just sat there doing some work on my ipad and reading.  About 45 minutes before my appt I checked in just in case they were running ahead of schedule.  They called me right back, not realizing that I had already had my lab work done.  They weighed me and took my temperature and blood pressure and my heart rate and then sent me back out to the waiting room for a little while longer.  They when they called me back again I had to wait quite a while before anyone came in to see me.  I had the fellow doctor that I saw back in March again and he did the initial exam before the doctor came in.  Everyone was curious to take a look at my side where I had the sore.  At first my doctor was all concerned about it and telling me that next time I should make sure to call them first and go in to see one of their doctors at Huntsman.  Then when she finally realized that I had gone to a dermatologist at the Huntsman center's satellite office (which is much closer to me), she was much happier and pleased about it.  They were able to pull up the results from the lab work done on my side and print it out for me.  Apparently it was officially diagnosed as a type of cyst.  My oncologist said that if the dermatologist needed to do some minor surgery on the site, it shouldn't be a problem with the Avastin that I am on.

After my dr's appt, I had a little bit of time before my infusion so I went up to the eatery and got myself something to eat for lunch.  Then I went down and checked in for my infusion.  I didn't have too long to wait before they called me back.  I have now become one of those people in the infusion room that I used to envy - those that come in, get their treatment and then leave in less than an hour!  Today they got my Avastin really quickly, even the nurse was surprised.  I was finally in and out in less than an hour!  It was very nice!

The new antibiotic that I am on for the sore on my side makes me a little bit nauseous for about 30-60 minutes right after taking it.  Thankfully I only have to take it twice a day and I just have another day and a half left of it.  The hole is finally starting to close up so I just stopped wearing a bandaid over it a day or two ago.  Hopefully my skin will recover quickly from wearing a constant bandaid on that spot. I need to call the dermatologist to schedule a follow-up appointment for sometime next week.  It still feels like there is a little bit of a hard spot under the skin so I won't be surprised if they want to cut me open a little more to remove it all...

I feel like my hair is getting shaggy again.  I'm still debating with myself as to how long or short I want to keep it.  DH likes it the length it is right now and there are definitely benefits to it.  It looks pretty crazy in the mornings when I wake up so on the mornings where I have to drive Blondie to orchestra before school I usually put a hat on my head.  This morning after I came back home and took the hat off, Kay saw me and said, "Whoa Mom!  Crazy hair!"  Here's a picture of it this morning:

Finally got a call from the dermatologist yesterday evening.  She said that the results were back from the culture that was done on my sore and it is not infected at all.  It was just normal gram positive rod bacteria that is present in everyone's skin - no infection whatsoever.  So after looking at it under the microscope they are pretty sure that what happened was I had a small cyst just under the skin and something happened which caused it to rupture and the redness and pain that I was experiencing was just inflammation.  The doctor told me that she was going to put me on a new antibiotic that is specifically for treating inflammation instead of the one I was on which was for infection.  It is still draining slightly so I am still keeping a bandaid over the spot.  The doctor told me to come back in about 3-4 weeks and then she would take a look at it again and decide if we needed to do anything more to treat it.

My left eye has been twitching off and on ever since my infusion last Wednesday.  I'm not sure if it's related or not but I want to document it.

The sore on my left side has been slowly getting better.  It was still oozing quite a bit for the first two days and I had to put a bandage and gauze on to prevent it from bleeding on my clothes.  There is still a red circle and it feels a little hard still underneath the skin so I'm not sure if that is infection in it still or something else.  I am still waiting for a call from the dermatologist to let me know the results of the cultures.  It feels a ton better though and there is just a little tenderness right at the location.  In addition to that though my skin is getting really irritated with the bandaids I have been having to wear at that same spot for the last week...  It was really itching me yesterday.

My kids have been off-track from school the last couple of weeks and so I signed them up for morning swim lessons to give us something to do.  It wasn't until I had signed them up that I realized that I had my next infusion on the morning of their last day of swim lessons.  My infusion was originally scheduled for 8:30 a.m. but I decided to see if they could reschedule it for 7 a.m. so that I would have a chance of getting home in time to take them to their lessons.  So I was up dark and early this morning so that I could leave the house by 6:15.  I had a backup plan in case I wasn't going to be back in time.  I had DH take Blondie to orchestra rehearsal and then had lined up someone to pick her up from that and bring her home.  Luckily it was probably one of my quicker infusion appointments and I was out of there in a little under 2 hours.  I'm thinking I may reschedule all of my infusions to 7:00!

When the nurse came to access my port she asked me about a wound culture that had been ordered the previous day (my visit to the dermatologist).  I explained what the wound was and she then proceeded with my port.  Apparently there is a new procedure now that they are starting where I have to put on a mask while the nurse is accessing me - since she has to put one on as well.  It seems kind of weird and a waste, but that is hospital procedure for you...

When I woke up this morning my side was still oozing a bit so I changed the bandage again.  It is still pretty sore but feeling better.  Hopefully I will get results of the lab work soon...

I would like to preface this post by saying that if you are at all queasy about medical things, you may want to skip this one...  And also all I can say is that my life is far from boring medically speaking...

About a week ago my right side started hurting and I was trying to remember if I had injured it in some way.  It was really starting to bother me so I asked my husband to look at it to see if there was a bruise or something there that he could see.  The spot was located just a couple of inches below my armpit and more toward my back so I was having a hard time seeing it.  When he looked at it he thought that it looked like a pimple that was trying to form in that spot.  So I didn't think much more about it and kept looking at it every once in a while to see if the pimple had formed yet.  Then Sunday evening came around and it was really starting to hurt - very sensitive to the touch and there was a small red round spot at the location.  That night I tried some ice on it to see if the swelling and pain would decrease at all.  On Monday it wasn't much better and probably got a little worse.  By this time it was a bit bigger and incredibly painful - even to move that arm much.  After doing some looking on the internet that night I decided to try some heat on it and that seemed to help some.  In the morning it didn't hurt quite as much but the spot seemed to be the same size.  I decided that I should probably see if I could setup an appointment with a dermatologist.  Luckily I was able to find one that could see me at 5:00 that day.

After I gave the dermatologist the short rundown of my medical history, she took a look at the spot and I think was quite surprised by how big it was...  Her first impression was that it was just a large abscess.  She asked if I wanted her to try cutting a small hole in the top of it to see if she could get some of the infection out.  She wasn't sure if we would get a lot out but thought that it was worth a try.  That sounded great to me at this point.  So she had me lay down on my left side and then numbed the spot up with some lidocaine.  That really hurt - the needle felt really sharp and stung a little.  Then she cut a hole in it and was surprised by how much pus came out.  She then tried pushing around the whole spot to try and get as much out as she could.  That hurt like crazy!!  She kept asking if I was alright or if I needed to take a break.  I had her stop twice to give me a minute to relax a little...  She then asked if I was okay with her cutting the hole slightly larger so that she could try and get more out without having to push so hard.  She put a little more lidocaine on the spot and then resumed her pushing.  At one point I heard her ask the nurse for some forceps - so I'm not exactly sure what she was doing back there but I didn't feel like asking either.  She made a comment once that just when she thought she had gotten most of the infection out, more would start coming.  Then she said that she wondered if instead of an abscess it was a cyst located just below the skin that had ruptured and then become infected.  They took several tissue samples so they could culture it and she said they would look at it under a microscope as well.  Finally the doctor said that she thought they had most of it since it was mostly blood coming out at that point.  They cleaned and bandaged me up and said that they would leave the hole open to allow the wound to continue to drain.  The doctor said that if it turns out to be a cyst like she suspects then I may have to come back in so they can cut me open more so they can remove all of it and then stitch me back up (sounds like fun, huh?).  The nurse sent me home with some more bandages and some vaseline to apply to it when I change the bandage.  The doctor also gave me a prescription for an antibiotic to take and said that they would call me in a couple of days once they had the results from the cultures.

I then went down to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription and then went out to my car to drive home.  As soon as I climbed into my car I just started crying because that procedure had hurt so bad - and was still hurting!  I was able to regain my compose after a minute or so and was able to get myself home.  The doctor had offered to give me a prescription for a painkiller but I thought that I would be alright with just over-the-counter stuff.  After I got home I took a couple of Tylenol and within the hour I felt much better.

Later this evening I emailed my doctor's group at Huntsman to let them know what had happened at the Dermatologist's office and asking if it was alright for me to be on this antibiotic with my Avastin treatments (of which I have one tomorrow morning).  I'm curious what the results will be from the cultures and hopefully this spot will continue to feel better and not get an infection.

When I went to change into my pajamas tonight I found out that the wound had bled/drained quite a bit and totally saturated the bandaid the nurse had put on and there was blood on over my underclothes...  I had DH come up and help me take the bandaid off and clean it up a little and put a new bandaid on.  Then I taped a piece of gauze over it so that hopefully I will not get any blood on my clothes or sheets tonight...

One year and counting...

A year ago today I was officially given the diagnosis of Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer.  What a difference a year can make...  After 6 treatments of chemotherapy and major abdominal surgery I am still alive and feel great!  It seems kind of surreal at times to think what I have gone through during this past year - and starting almost a month before this with multiple tests and scans to come to the official diagnosis.  It's been weird going through things right now that a year ago I had such a different outlook on - Stake Conference, General Conference, Sounds of the Season Christmas concert (which I will be playing the flute & piccolo in again this year - yea!), Halloween, soccer season...  Even though I don't think my energy level is quite back up to normal, I feel so much better all the way around than I did a year ago.  Things right now are looking good and I hope & pray that in another year from now I can say the same thing!!  Thanks for all of the support and prayers from everyone!!

Haircut!!  Yesterday I got my hair cut.  It seems totally contrary to what I would want to do, but my hair was getting way too shaggy and unkept looking.  Now it actually looks like it has some shape to it and like I meant to have my hair this length.  I think I need to play around with it a little more and see if I can get it to look like it has a little more volume on top, but on the whole I like it a lot better.  Most of the hair that was cut was on the sides and back.  Now I just need the top to grow some more.  I still haven't decided what length I would like to have in the long run, but right now this is a super easy hairdo to fix in the mornings!  And I didn't know that there were so many choices as far as style goes for short hair.  I need to look more closely at how other people wear their hair and figure out what style I like best for me.

The person who cut my hair was surprised at how even my hair has grown all the way around.  I guess a lot of people who have lost their hair due to chemotherapy have had it come back in clumps and not evenly.  I have been pretty lucky as far as that is concerned.

My lower left jawbone/gums have been bugging me off and on the last couple of days.  I've been using some essential oils on it and it will go away and then come back a day or two later.  I try not to take medicine for it unless absolutely necessary.  One thing is certain though - there are not too many things that will put me in a foul mood quicker than my teeth hurting!  When I realize that I am starting to get short-tempered and cranky with the kids I know that it is time to take something for the pain!  My gums have also been bleeding a little when I brush them.

The cut on my arm is slowly healing.  I think my body is taking longer to heal since I started my infusions...

Here is some evidence that my hair is getting quite a bit longer:

Isn't that some awesome bed head??