I made a trip to the grocery store this morning with the 2 little girls and it was quite the experience. MJ again didn't want me to put her in the cart but I wasn't about to carry her all through the grocery store so I made her sit in the front seat and buckled her up. She put up such a screaming fit almost the whole time we were at the store, it was embarrassing. She was crying so hard that she was causing herself to gag - luckily she didn't throw up at all. When we were almost through at the store I realized that she was hungry because I put something in the cart that she really wanted and once I gave her the box she started to calm down. I made her wait until we had started checking out at the checkout counter to open it and give her a few crackers but it was nice to finally have her quit screaming! Hopefully one of these days she will be back to normal!

Kay helped me make some Valentine cookies today while MJ was napping and then the kids and I decorated them after dinner.

Luke came home from school complaining of an earache. I've read so many things that say that the antibiotics that are prescribed for earaches don't resolve the earache any quicker than if we just wait it out so we are going to try some home remedies and see if we can manage the pain and symptoms until it resolves. Right now we are giving him ibuprofen to manage the pain and then trying out some essential oils on the ear along with a hot washcloth which is supposed to help draw out the pain.

Crazy morning today. I had DH stay home with MJ because even though she is mostly over the stomach virus, she is still super whiny and wants me to carry her around all the time. She also has a slight cold with a yucky nose and cough. I had sharing time in primary today and a meeting before church. I unfortunately didn't have a ton of time to prepare my sharing time during wht week with all of the sickness that we had going on, but I think it went well. I normally teach it on the 3rd Sunday of the month but ended up asking the primary president last Sunday if I could switch weeks with her in case I'm not feeling well after my next chemo treatment. After church I switched places with DH so he could go back to church and count the tithing. MJ was in bed sleeping when we got home. I have had several people in and out of church come up to me and tell me that I am such an inspiration to them specifically and to the ward in general with how I am so diligent in coming to church and fulfilling my calling. I'm not sure how to respond to these people sometimes because I don't feel that I am doing anything above and beyond what other people would do. I don't necessarily feel like I am really doing anything super special. If I am helping other people with the experiences I am going through and how I am dealing with them, then I guess that's a good thing. I feel kind of weird being singled out and praised all of the time though.

I attended the Worldwide Leadership Training Broadcast this morning broadcast by the church. DH was supposed to come to but he wasn't feeling well again when it was time to leave so he stayed home and ended up taking a nap while I was gone. A little later in the day I ran a few errands to get some Valentine stuff for the kids to make Valentines for their classes. After that I helped the kids make their Valentines and then gave DH a quick haircut.

My mom came over in the evening to watch the kids while M&M was at the school play and DH and I were out. My neighbor who went through breast care treatment a few years ago invited me and DH to attend a cancer support group dinner with her and her husband. It is a support group for women diagnosed with cancer in their 40s and younger, called the Young Survivor Sisters. Right now the group consists solely of women with breast cancer so I felt a little weird there. While I have gone through some similar experiences as these women, a lot of it is also very different. There are also several of these women that have the BRCA-1 gene, so that is one thing that some of us share in common. I saw two women there that I actually know personally. One of them (one of the founders of the group) lives in my stake and was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 26. The other women is M&M's Language Arts teacher this year at school. We talked for a little bit after the dinner and she expressed her concern for M&M and wanted to know if there was anything she could do for her. I got a little choked up talking to her. I think whenever my kids are mentioned I have a hard time keeping it together. That and the fact that I kept thinking about how my experience that I am going through is so different than so many of these other women. The keynote speaker/performer for the evening was Hilary Weeks - an LDS singer/songwriter. She was hilarious to listen to and had some very inspirational songs as well. It's nice to hear how similar kids and parents are, no matter who you are. It was a very nice evening and dinner and it was nice to be invited by my neighbor. Right now I am trying to decide where my place fits with this group. On one hand I think it might be nice to join and use this experience to educate these women about ovarian cancer, and on another hand maybe I need to look into starting up my own group that focuses on ovarian cancer or BRCA-1 positive women. A few of the women in the group had made some necklaces for everyone in the group that had the pink ribbon on it and the letters YSS (Young Survivor Sisters) underneath the ribbon. I was reluctant to take one, but finally did after the urging of several people there. I honestly can't see myself ever wearing it because the pink ribbon is specific to breast cancer and I am not a breast cancer survivor. Each type of cancer has its own color and the color for ovarian cancer is teal. I've been looking online for something specific to my type of cancer that I can buy and wear. So far I've found a necklace, bracelet and hat that I like but haven't ordered anything yet.

I seem to finally be sleeping better at night. DH wasn't feeling too good this morning so he ended up working from home once more. Hopefully he didn't get anyone at work sick yesterday.

I went to a couple of stores this evening after dinner. I took Luke, Kay and MJ with me. MJ threw a screaming, crying fit when I tried putting her in the shopping cart so I ended up carrying her through the store... Not exactly my idea of fun... MJ and Kay still have a little bit of diarrhea, so maybe she is just not feeling 100% yet.

DH went back to work today. He was feeling alright when he left and had lots of meetings that he needed to be at today. All of the kids went to school and except for MJ being more whiny than usual, the younger two are finally getting their appetites back and appear to be feeling better.

Slept so, so last night. I've had a lot of diarrhea with this sickness so I've had to keep close to the house (and the bathroom). Thankfully no one threw up last night during the night. Luke and Kitty both said they weren't feeling well when they got up in the morning so I let them both stay home. I've feeling quite a bit better today and Blondie decided she was feeling well enough to go to school (I just hope she isn't sick and has to come home early from school). I also hope that she doesn't pass this bug on to anyone at school. M&M also went to school. She is the only one so far that hasn't been sick at all. DH isn't feeling great today so he is going to stay home again. My dad called to say that my mom is sick and can't come over to watch the kids so I can go to Huntsman for my lab work. That's fine though since DH will be here.

The lab work was super quick today. I think they are finally figuring out what to do with me when I come in. The clinical trial that I am a part of needs my blood pressure checked each week in addition to the standard blood work and each week it seems to take forever for them to get to me and take my blood pressure. This week though they took me right back when I got there, the nurse took my blood pressure and then sent me to the room to have my blood drawn. I think I was back there for 15 minutes max. On my way home from the clinic I stopped at the grocery store and picked a few things that we are low on (like laundry soap that we have been using a ton washing sheets, bedding and clothes).

While I was at the store, one of the nurses from Huntsman left me a message on my phone telling me that my blood counts were really low today so if I get a fever at all I need to get checked in to the hospital.

M&M is involved in the tech crew for a school musical right now. Today after school they presented the musical for the parents. I was feeling well enough to go to it. It was really cute and I'm glad I was able to attend.

Kay still threw up a little today, but luckily no one else has. Blondie and M&M both made it through the school day without feeling sick at all. I think Kitty could have gone to school without any problems but with this bug I think it was better to play it safe. I think all of the kids will be well enough to go back tomorrow.

Unfortunately, today is a 180 degree turn from yesterday... I woke up at around 2 in the morning and my stomach just ached. I wasn't sure if it was actually my stomach or just the muscles around my stomach (maybe I just overdid it a little yesterday). Well, DH woke me up at 6:00 to go walking and I told him that I didn't think I would be able to go this morning. I felt miserable... DH ended up going by himself and I spent a good chunk of the time that he was gone in the bathroom. Then a little while after DH got home, the two little ones woke up and when DH went in to get them, he discovered that they had both thrown up during the night. Oh joy... DH then spent the next little while bathing the girls and cleaning up their beds. And since I wasn't feeling well myself, I wasn't able to help him at all. Not too long after that I threw up and then felt a little better. Kay ended up throwing up off and on throughout the day and all three of us just laid around the house not doing much of anything and not really eating anything either.

After the kids got home from school, Blondie said she wasn't feeling too well and took a nap on the floor in the living room. Then a little later in the evening Luke said he wasn't feeling well and fell asleep on the couch. After a little while he all of a sudden woke up and reached for a bowl I had given him and proceeded to throw up in the bowl. What a fun day (NOT)!

Yesterday my husband and I decided to make a goal to try and get up at 6:00 in the morning to go walking before the kids get up for school. I'm hoping that this will make me tired enough by the end of the day that I won't have any more problems falling asleep at night. So even though I didn't get to sleep until around 2:00 this morning and I woke up at 5:00 and couldn't get back to sleep, my husband and I went walking at 6:00 at got back home around 6:45 (M&M needed to be to school early this morning so she needed a ride instead of taking the bus).

After the kids all left for school, I showered and got myself and the younger two kids ready for the day. I then did laundry, did some cleaning, attempted to work with Kay on potty training throughout the day. I felt GREAT today and felt like I had a TON of energy! It was an awesome day! I am hopeful that there are many more of these days in the near future!!

Didn't sleep great last night and then MJ woke up earlier than usual. My sister and her husband were blessing their new baby in church today so we attended their Sacrament Meeting and then went to my parents' house for dinner afterwards.

I was able to sleep again last night! So that's two nights in a row now! Maybe the sleeplessness has been a side effect of the chemo. It will be nice when I am finally done with the chemo so I can finally determine what effects it has had on me versus effects from the hysterectomy.

I went to a baptism this morning and then helped the kids with cleaning the house. After I put MJ down for her nap DH and I ran to a couple of stores. (It's nice having kids old enough to babysit!) While we were at Kohl's there was a lady right behind me at the checkout line that was practically standing on top of me and kept making comments to her kids that were with her about how sick she was feeling and didn't they also feel sick and just want to go home and sleep... Even if I wasn't going through chemo treatment at this time, I would have been disturbed by the lady's actions. Hopefully she wasn't really sick and didn't give me anything if she was... There are definitely all types of interesting people in the world...

I've been feeling pretty good today. My stomach muscles have been a little sore again as the day goes on so I will probably try sleeping with a heating pad again. I was especially feeling sore muscles while I was bathing the little ones this evening.

I keep forgetting to mention my arm that had been hurting. About a week ago I all of a sudden noticed that it wasn't hurting me to do things like it had been. I had been taking a couple of ibuprofen here and there to try and reduce the inflammation and I was also trying to not use my right arm as much (like lifting things in and out of the shopping cart with my left arm instead of my right). My right arm still hurts a tiny bit if I overuse it or lift something heavy, but nothing like it had been. It's just kind of weird.

I think I finally got a good night sleep last night! My abdomen muscles were really sore before I went to bed so I took an ibuprofen and slept with the heating pad on my stomach. I decided not to take any of the sleeping pills because I was feeling pretty tired and I don't remember laying awake for very long. I woke up once around 5:30 and then I was able to go back to sleep for a little while longer.

Today I tried taking it a little easier and tried not to do as much lifting (especially of MJ). I think that I am starting to forget that I had such major surgery only 6 weeks ago and that my body is still healing from it (especially the stomach muscles). The liver surgeon told me that the abdomen muscles take about a year to completely heal after the type of surgery that I had.

Tried the sleeping pills again last night and they still didn't seem to do anything. I tried going downstairs to see if I could get in a more comfortable position on the couch and that didn't seem to help either. I think I spent most of the night half asleep...

I ran some errands with the kids this morning. I think I ended up overdoing things because by the end of the day my abdomen was pretty sore and it was hurting my chest a little to breathe too deeply. My surgeon said to listen to my body and if things start hurting to slow down and take it easy.

So I tried some sleeping pills last night and they didn't seem to have any affect on me... Not quite sure what that means. Maybe I need to try something stronger?? For some reason I still don't feel overly tired though...

This morning I baked the cake for my son's birthday and then took the girls over to my parents' house so I could drive to Huntsman for my lab work. It was a pretty quick visit. I didn't put anything on my port this time and was just fine. I took an ice pack with me but ended up not using it. After that I went back to my parents' and had some lunch and then took the girls home. After I put MJ down for her nap I decorated the cake and wrapped some presents. My parents came over later to celebrate with us. We only do friend parties every other year for the kids and this year was just a family party for Luke.

My head is super fuzzy! The kids (and my husband) all love rubbing their hand across it (and I do too). Unfortunately it will be falling out again here in another week or two and then I will have to start all over again in a couple of months.

Today I am 6 weeks out from my surgery! In some ways it seems like it was such a long time ago! My abdomen scar is looking pretty good. I have one very small spot about an inch above my belly button where the incision site separated slightly. That one spot has a small, round scab over it and it keeps trying to come off, especially after I have showered. The skin at the very top of the incision is also slightly separated and was a little irritated the other day. The skin where my drain was has healed nicely and the spot on my neck where my I.V. was has finally closed up.

Did some last minute birthday shopping today for my son - his birthday is tomorrow. I also picked up some over the counter sleeping pills to see if they will help me get to sleep tonight. The weird part is that even though I don't feel like I'm getting a lot of sleep at night, I'm also not overly tired all day long. I would think that with the little sleep I've been getting I should be falling asleep every time I sit down, but I'm not. Maybe I just don't need the sleep that I used to need so I should find some projects to work on at night... There just seems something wrong with being productive during the middle of the night instead of sleeping...

I managed to run a few errands, including a run to the grocery store this morning with the two little ones. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I bought some clementines at the grocery store and tried eating one for a snack this afternoon and it was the nastiest tasting clementine I have ever tasted... So disappointing...

I'm not sure how much sleep I got last night. Lately I seem to go to bed and just lay awake forever. Hopefully this is temporary because I'm afraid it is going to start taking its toll on me.

I didn't sleep too well last night. Between my stomach/bowels cramping up and my husband not sleeping soundly next to me, I think I woke up every hour or two. I went to all of church and then afterwards just laid around the house most of the day. I had the kids make themselves pancakes for dinner and tried making something else for me and DH but by the time I was finished making it I didn't feel like eating it. I've been having weird food cravings lately, I almost feel like i'm pregnant. Since my chemo treatment last Wednesday I have been craving salsa and chips and salty things. I've been mixing salsa with a little bit of sour cream and eating that with chips for lunch. I've also had cravings for sweet things, but not sugary sweet - a nice juicy orange sounds really good to me. I wish it was always easy to pick one out at the store and guarantee that it would be juicy and sweet! The other weird thing is that at times I feel hungry but nothing quite sounds good to me so I almost have to force myself to eat something - otherwise I feel nauseous and my stomach growls all day long.

I put on jeans today for the first time since my surgery. There's just something about jeans with their unforgiving waistbands that has kept me at bay for this long time. Sitting around the house all day (or even running errands) wearing jeans just does not sound appealing to me.

I bought a pair of jeans several months ago at a secondhand store and when I got home and tried them on they were a little snugger than I wanted them to be but I decided to keep them anyways and set a goal to try and fit into them over the next few months. Well, I put them on today and if anything they are a little loose on me (which was a good thing with my abdomen still healing). People are really starting to notice the weight that I have lost and it feels really good to finally lose some of my baby fat (thanks to baby #6).

I've been a little nauseous since my chemo treatment, but nothing that has been unbearable or kept me from eating. I took one of my anti-nausea pills last night and usually if I don't let my stomach get too empty I am fine. My bowels are a little stopped up again and I've been somewhat tired today but other than that (and a headache) my side-effects haven't been too bad.

Chemo session #4 today. I can't believe that it's been 2 months since my last session. There always seems to be new nurses there that I haven't seen before. The nurse that I had during my first chemo session was there and DH spent some time talking to her when we first arrived because she commented that she hadn't seen us in a while so DH filled her in on my surgery that I had.

Other than that things went pretty smoothly. I only had the two drugs today. I will start up the Avastin again next time (the experimental drug). I didn't have to see the oncology team today since they saw me next week, but they did still have to draw some blood for lab work before they started me on the chemo. The nurse who accessed my port was somewhat concerned because the skin above my port was really red. We're wondering if I was having a reaction to the cream that they are having me put on it before it gets accessed. There was one other time when another nurse also noticed the skin really red before she accessed my port. The nurse today suggested that I try putting a little bit of the cream on a spot on my arm and see if I have a similar reaction. If so, he suggested that I not use it anymore and either don't use anything or just put some ice on my port right before they access it to numb the skin a little. After my session was through and he came back to de-access my port, it was no longer red (and I was keeping an eye on it during my infusion and the redness went away not too long after my infusion started).

My parents were able to come over and watch the kids for us again and some people from the ward brought dinner by that evening. It's nice to have my parents nearby to help out with the kids and to have so many people in the ward and neighborhood willing and wanting to help us out as well. It definitely makes this whole experience a little less painful.

Met with my gynecological oncologist today (my surgeon). She wanted to see me one more time before we started up the chemotherapy to make sure that everything is healing as it should be and there are no complications that I am experiencing. She was very interested to take a look at my incision site. When I lifted up my shirt to show her, she was surprised to see that I still had some steri-strips on the incision. She said, "Oh, you don't need those on anymore" and proceeded to rip them all off of me! It looks weird now having this long red scar down my whole abdomen. She was really impressed with how the incision site looked and also kept commenting on how flat my belly looked. She was pleased that there were no signs of fluid collecting there in my abdomen, especially considering how much discharge was coming out of my JP drain. She also did an internal exam and there are still a few stitches inside of me that aren't completely dissolved.

She gave the okay for my chemotherapy to start up again and she also gave me the okay to start lifting things over 10 pounds. She just cautioned me to take it easy and don't go immediately from lifting only 10 pounds to lifting 50 pounds. She said if it hurts to lift something, to back off and take it a little easier. (It is really nice to be able to lift my baby again!)

I asked her about my arm and if there was anything that happened during the surgery that may be causing the pain that I am experiencing. She didn't think that it was related to the surgery since it took so many weeks afterwards for it to exhibit itself. She thinks it is more likely just a strain from compensating for my healing stomach muscles. She said to try and avoid doing too much with that arm and just try resting it as much as possible (which is easier said than done when you are right handed and have 6 young kids to take care of).

The doctor was a little surprised that my CA-125 number wasn't lower but then she told me to not stress out over it too much because the surgery on my liver may be playing a part in the higher reading. She said that she had a patient sent to her because her CA-125 number was so high (over 4000), but she had no cancer anywhere in her body. She was in complete liver failure which was causing the number to be so high. The hope is that my CA-125 number will drop back down to the normal range after my liver is healed completely and I go through the rest of my chemotherpy sessions.

The doctor wants to see me again in about 3 months after my chemotherapy is all done and then she will see me about every 3 months for the next year just to check up on things and in case we need to do anything to manage my menopause symptoms.

I met with my oncology team at Huntsman on Wednesday and we have decided to start my chemotherapy sessions up again on Wednesday (provided my surgeon gives the okay at my appointment on Tuesday). Just three more session and then hopefully I will be in remission for a LONG time. Everything seems to be healing well and all of my lab work came back in the normal ranges (well, except for my CA-125 number). Someone from the oncology team called me yesterday to let me know that my CA-125 number was at 131 which is about where they expected it to be (my number was at 396 right before the surgery). The number should continue to go down as I continue to recover from the surgery and as I start up the chemo again. I asked if it would get back down to the normal range (35 or lower) and she said that it might, so that is what I'm shooting for!

My right arm is still bothering me, some days more than others. I think I will ask my surgeon about it on Tuesday and see if there was anything that happened during the surgery that might have strained my arm.

I'm down to just three more shots of the blood thinner injections. I can give myself the shots, but I prefer to have my husband so it, so I finally decided to just have him do it at bedtime instead of trying to take care of it in the morning. For some reason it hurts less when he does it. I'm not sure if it is because I don't have to watch it when he does it and so I am more relaxed or what.

I think the kids are finally pretty used to seeing me however I choose to walk around - with a hat on, my wig on or with nothing on my head. I try and be careful around MJ and not take off my wig when she's watching or she might just try and take it off herself sometime when we are out in public. I don't mind walking around the house with nothing on my head, but it is amazing how quickly my head gets cold sometimes. I still struggle at night trying to keep at a comfortable temperature.

I washed my wig today and am waiting for it to dry. Hopefully I will be able to style it easily afterwards. It's actually been pretty nice to just throw on an instant hairdo when I need to leave the house and go somewhere!