Unfortunately, today is a 180 degree turn from yesterday... I woke up at around 2 in the morning and my stomach just ached. I wasn't sure if it was actually my stomach or just the muscles around my stomach (maybe I just overdid it a little yesterday). Well, DH woke me up at 6:00 to go walking and I told him that I didn't think I would be able to go this morning. I felt miserable... DH ended up going by himself and I spent a good chunk of the time that he was gone in the bathroom. Then a little while after DH got home, the two little ones woke up and when DH went in to get them, he discovered that they had both thrown up during the night. Oh joy... DH then spent the next little while bathing the girls and cleaning up their beds. And since I wasn't feeling well myself, I wasn't able to help him at all. Not too long after that I threw up and then felt a little better. Kay ended up throwing up off and on throughout the day and all three of us just laid around the house not doing much of anything and not really eating anything either.

After the kids got home from school, Blondie said she wasn't feeling too well and took a nap on the floor in the living room. Then a little later in the evening Luke said he wasn't feeling well and fell asleep on the couch. After a little while he all of a sudden woke up and reached for a bowl I had given him and proceeded to throw up in the bowl. What a fun day (NOT)!

Yesterday my husband and I decided to make a goal to try and get up at 6:00 in the morning to go walking before the kids get up for school. I'm hoping that this will make me tired enough by the end of the day that I won't have any more problems falling asleep at night. So even though I didn't get to sleep until around 2:00 this morning and I woke up at 5:00 and couldn't get back to sleep, my husband and I went walking at 6:00 at got back home around 6:45 (M&M needed to be to school early this morning so she needed a ride instead of taking the bus).

After the kids all left for school, I showered and got myself and the younger two kids ready for the day. I then did laundry, did some cleaning, attempted to work with Kay on potty training throughout the day. I felt GREAT today and felt like I had a TON of energy! It was an awesome day! I am hopeful that there are many more of these days in the near future!!

Didn't sleep great last night and then MJ woke up earlier than usual. My sister and her husband were blessing their new baby in church today so we attended their Sacrament Meeting and then went to my parents' house for dinner afterwards.

I was able to sleep again last night! So that's two nights in a row now! Maybe the sleeplessness has been a side effect of the chemo. It will be nice when I am finally done with the chemo so I can finally determine what effects it has had on me versus effects from the hysterectomy.

I went to a baptism this morning and then helped the kids with cleaning the house. After I put MJ down for her nap DH and I ran to a couple of stores. (It's nice having kids old enough to babysit!) While we were at Kohl's there was a lady right behind me at the checkout line that was practically standing on top of me and kept making comments to her kids that were with her about how sick she was feeling and didn't they also feel sick and just want to go home and sleep... Even if I wasn't going through chemo treatment at this time, I would have been disturbed by the lady's actions. Hopefully she wasn't really sick and didn't give me anything if she was... There are definitely all types of interesting people in the world...

I've been feeling pretty good today. My stomach muscles have been a little sore again as the day goes on so I will probably try sleeping with a heating pad again. I was especially feeling sore muscles while I was bathing the little ones this evening.

I keep forgetting to mention my arm that had been hurting. About a week ago I all of a sudden noticed that it wasn't hurting me to do things like it had been. I had been taking a couple of ibuprofen here and there to try and reduce the inflammation and I was also trying to not use my right arm as much (like lifting things in and out of the shopping cart with my left arm instead of my right). My right arm still hurts a tiny bit if I overuse it or lift something heavy, but nothing like it had been. It's just kind of weird.

I think I finally got a good night sleep last night! My abdomen muscles were really sore before I went to bed so I took an ibuprofen and slept with the heating pad on my stomach. I decided not to take any of the sleeping pills because I was feeling pretty tired and I don't remember laying awake for very long. I woke up once around 5:30 and then I was able to go back to sleep for a little while longer.

Today I tried taking it a little easier and tried not to do as much lifting (especially of MJ). I think that I am starting to forget that I had such major surgery only 6 weeks ago and that my body is still healing from it (especially the stomach muscles). The liver surgeon told me that the abdomen muscles take about a year to completely heal after the type of surgery that I had.

Tried the sleeping pills again last night and they still didn't seem to do anything. I tried going downstairs to see if I could get in a more comfortable position on the couch and that didn't seem to help either. I think I spent most of the night half asleep...

I ran some errands with the kids this morning. I think I ended up overdoing things because by the end of the day my abdomen was pretty sore and it was hurting my chest a little to breathe too deeply. My surgeon said to listen to my body and if things start hurting to slow down and take it easy.

So I tried some sleeping pills last night and they didn't seem to have any affect on me... Not quite sure what that means. Maybe I need to try something stronger?? For some reason I still don't feel overly tired though...

This morning I baked the cake for my son's birthday and then took the girls over to my parents' house so I could drive to Huntsman for my lab work. It was a pretty quick visit. I didn't put anything on my port this time and was just fine. I took an ice pack with me but ended up not using it. After that I went back to my parents' and had some lunch and then took the girls home. After I put MJ down for her nap I decorated the cake and wrapped some presents. My parents came over later to celebrate with us. We only do friend parties every other year for the kids and this year was just a family party for Luke.

My head is super fuzzy! The kids (and my husband) all love rubbing their hand across it (and I do too). Unfortunately it will be falling out again here in another week or two and then I will have to start all over again in a couple of months.

Today I am 6 weeks out from my surgery! In some ways it seems like it was such a long time ago! My abdomen scar is looking pretty good. I have one very small spot about an inch above my belly button where the incision site separated slightly. That one spot has a small, round scab over it and it keeps trying to come off, especially after I have showered. The skin at the very top of the incision is also slightly separated and was a little irritated the other day. The skin where my drain was has healed nicely and the spot on my neck where my I.V. was has finally closed up.

Did some last minute birthday shopping today for my son - his birthday is tomorrow. I also picked up some over the counter sleeping pills to see if they will help me get to sleep tonight. The weird part is that even though I don't feel like I'm getting a lot of sleep at night, I'm also not overly tired all day long. I would think that with the little sleep I've been getting I should be falling asleep every time I sit down, but I'm not. Maybe I just don't need the sleep that I used to need so I should find some projects to work on at night... There just seems something wrong with being productive during the middle of the night instead of sleeping...

I managed to run a few errands, including a run to the grocery store this morning with the two little ones. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I bought some clementines at the grocery store and tried eating one for a snack this afternoon and it was the nastiest tasting clementine I have ever tasted... So disappointing...

I'm not sure how much sleep I got last night. Lately I seem to go to bed and just lay awake forever. Hopefully this is temporary because I'm afraid it is going to start taking its toll on me.

I didn't sleep too well last night. Between my stomach/bowels cramping up and my husband not sleeping soundly next to me, I think I woke up every hour or two. I went to all of church and then afterwards just laid around the house most of the day. I had the kids make themselves pancakes for dinner and tried making something else for me and DH but by the time I was finished making it I didn't feel like eating it. I've been having weird food cravings lately, I almost feel like i'm pregnant. Since my chemo treatment last Wednesday I have been craving salsa and chips and salty things. I've been mixing salsa with a little bit of sour cream and eating that with chips for lunch. I've also had cravings for sweet things, but not sugary sweet - a nice juicy orange sounds really good to me. I wish it was always easy to pick one out at the store and guarantee that it would be juicy and sweet! The other weird thing is that at times I feel hungry but nothing quite sounds good to me so I almost have to force myself to eat something - otherwise I feel nauseous and my stomach growls all day long.

I put on jeans today for the first time since my surgery. There's just something about jeans with their unforgiving waistbands that has kept me at bay for this long time. Sitting around the house all day (or even running errands) wearing jeans just does not sound appealing to me.

I bought a pair of jeans several months ago at a secondhand store and when I got home and tried them on they were a little snugger than I wanted them to be but I decided to keep them anyways and set a goal to try and fit into them over the next few months. Well, I put them on today and if anything they are a little loose on me (which was a good thing with my abdomen still healing). People are really starting to notice the weight that I have lost and it feels really good to finally lose some of my baby fat (thanks to baby #6).

I've been a little nauseous since my chemo treatment, but nothing that has been unbearable or kept me from eating. I took one of my anti-nausea pills last night and usually if I don't let my stomach get too empty I am fine. My bowels are a little stopped up again and I've been somewhat tired today but other than that (and a headache) my side-effects haven't been too bad.

Chemo session #4 today. I can't believe that it's been 2 months since my last session. There always seems to be new nurses there that I haven't seen before. The nurse that I had during my first chemo session was there and DH spent some time talking to her when we first arrived because she commented that she hadn't seen us in a while so DH filled her in on my surgery that I had.

Other than that things went pretty smoothly. I only had the two drugs today. I will start up the Avastin again next time (the experimental drug). I didn't have to see the oncology team today since they saw me next week, but they did still have to draw some blood for lab work before they started me on the chemo. The nurse who accessed my port was somewhat concerned because the skin above my port was really red. We're wondering if I was having a reaction to the cream that they are having me put on it before it gets accessed. There was one other time when another nurse also noticed the skin really red before she accessed my port. The nurse today suggested that I try putting a little bit of the cream on a spot on my arm and see if I have a similar reaction. If so, he suggested that I not use it anymore and either don't use anything or just put some ice on my port right before they access it to numb the skin a little. After my session was through and he came back to de-access my port, it was no longer red (and I was keeping an eye on it during my infusion and the redness went away not too long after my infusion started).

My parents were able to come over and watch the kids for us again and some people from the ward brought dinner by that evening. It's nice to have my parents nearby to help out with the kids and to have so many people in the ward and neighborhood willing and wanting to help us out as well. It definitely makes this whole experience a little less painful.

Met with my gynecological oncologist today (my surgeon). She wanted to see me one more time before we started up the chemotherapy to make sure that everything is healing as it should be and there are no complications that I am experiencing. She was very interested to take a look at my incision site. When I lifted up my shirt to show her, she was surprised to see that I still had some steri-strips on the incision. She said, "Oh, you don't need those on anymore" and proceeded to rip them all off of me! It looks weird now having this long red scar down my whole abdomen. She was really impressed with how the incision site looked and also kept commenting on how flat my belly looked. She was pleased that there were no signs of fluid collecting there in my abdomen, especially considering how much discharge was coming out of my JP drain. She also did an internal exam and there are still a few stitches inside of me that aren't completely dissolved.

She gave the okay for my chemotherapy to start up again and she also gave me the okay to start lifting things over 10 pounds. She just cautioned me to take it easy and don't go immediately from lifting only 10 pounds to lifting 50 pounds. She said if it hurts to lift something, to back off and take it a little easier. (It is really nice to be able to lift my baby again!)

I asked her about my arm and if there was anything that happened during the surgery that may be causing the pain that I am experiencing. She didn't think that it was related to the surgery since it took so many weeks afterwards for it to exhibit itself. She thinks it is more likely just a strain from compensating for my healing stomach muscles. She said to try and avoid doing too much with that arm and just try resting it as much as possible (which is easier said than done when you are right handed and have 6 young kids to take care of).

The doctor was a little surprised that my CA-125 number wasn't lower but then she told me to not stress out over it too much because the surgery on my liver may be playing a part in the higher reading. She said that she had a patient sent to her because her CA-125 number was so high (over 4000), but she had no cancer anywhere in her body. She was in complete liver failure which was causing the number to be so high. The hope is that my CA-125 number will drop back down to the normal range after my liver is healed completely and I go through the rest of my chemotherpy sessions.

The doctor wants to see me again in about 3 months after my chemotherapy is all done and then she will see me about every 3 months for the next year just to check up on things and in case we need to do anything to manage my menopause symptoms.

I met with my oncology team at Huntsman on Wednesday and we have decided to start my chemotherapy sessions up again on Wednesday (provided my surgeon gives the okay at my appointment on Tuesday). Just three more session and then hopefully I will be in remission for a LONG time. Everything seems to be healing well and all of my lab work came back in the normal ranges (well, except for my CA-125 number). Someone from the oncology team called me yesterday to let me know that my CA-125 number was at 131 which is about where they expected it to be (my number was at 396 right before the surgery). The number should continue to go down as I continue to recover from the surgery and as I start up the chemo again. I asked if it would get back down to the normal range (35 or lower) and she said that it might, so that is what I'm shooting for!

My right arm is still bothering me, some days more than others. I think I will ask my surgeon about it on Tuesday and see if there was anything that happened during the surgery that might have strained my arm.

I'm down to just three more shots of the blood thinner injections. I can give myself the shots, but I prefer to have my husband so it, so I finally decided to just have him do it at bedtime instead of trying to take care of it in the morning. For some reason it hurts less when he does it. I'm not sure if it is because I don't have to watch it when he does it and so I am more relaxed or what.

I think the kids are finally pretty used to seeing me however I choose to walk around - with a hat on, my wig on or with nothing on my head. I try and be careful around MJ and not take off my wig when she's watching or she might just try and take it off herself sometime when we are out in public. I don't mind walking around the house with nothing on my head, but it is amazing how quickly my head gets cold sometimes. I still struggle at night trying to keep at a comfortable temperature.

I washed my wig today and am waiting for it to dry. Hopefully I will be able to style it easily afterwards. It's actually been pretty nice to just throw on an instant hairdo when I need to leave the house and go somewhere!

Well, my hair is growing back in. Too bad I will be losing it again here in a few weeks. It is probably about a 1/4 inch long right now - and it looks the same color so far. We're fighting a few colds in the family. MJ and DH have it the worst. So far I haven't been hit too bad so hopefully it will stay that way. My abdomen is slowly getting better. I haven't taken any pain medication for about a week I think and have been able to manage fine. Lately when I stand up straight I feel like my skin is super tight and if I stretch too much I will bust open my skin. I've been trying to put lotion on the incision site, but most of it is still covered with the steri-strips that were put on following the surgery. The surgeon said the longer I can keep those on, the better for my incision site. I feel like an old lady when I am walking around because sometimes I hunch over to prevent my incision from stretching out too much. Usually after I am standing for a few minutes the skin stretches out enough that it doesn't bother me anymore.

My right elbow has been really bothering me the last 2 weeks. It hurts when I lift just about anything with that arm and just bending it into certain positions hurts as well. I'm not sure if this is some weird side-effect from my surgery or if I injured my arm just after the surgery while trying to get myself around. If it's not better by next week I will ask my surgeon about it. I haven't been sleeping too well lately. I think it's some of the after-effects of the hysterectomy. Hopefully I can get things under control here shortly so my nights are a little more pleasant. My elementary school kids went back to school today so I will be trying to manage the little girls without lifting them during the day! I'm hoping to get the okay to lift more next week after I see the surgeon - not that I feel like lifting much, but it would be nice to be able to pick my baby up now and then without someone lifting her onto my lap!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I've been feeling pretty good physically and been trying to get off of the pain meds totally. I can't believe that it's only been 3 weeks since my surgery! The other day I tried not taking anything and I realized how sore I still am! My right side especially is sore - which is understandable since that is where my liver was operated on and they also took out a small section of my diaphram. The tumor was embedded in my diaphram so they had to take a small chunk of that out as well. My surgeon said that I will probably be sore for a while on that side, especially when I breathe deeply, until it is all healed.

The last couple of nights I haven't slept too well. I'm not sure if it is because of the pain from my surgery or just stress or worry. I've been a little down lately thinking about what the future might hold for me and my family. My life has definitely been on a different track at this point than I ever thought it would be. I try and stay optimistic, but sometimes fear of the unknown really gets to me. It's also hard for me not being able to pick up my baby! I get concerned that I don't have the energy to give my kids the kind of attention that they need at this young stage in their lives. I don't think it's fair to them that their mother is sick and unable to do some things with them.

Okay, enough ranting for now. Here's to hoping for better days ahead - and lots of them!!

And on a more positive note, I've finally lost some of that baby weight that I've been holding onto for so long! (Okay, maybe the tumor on my ovaries had something to do with the extra weight around my middle too.) I've lost about 25 pounds since last September, so at least there's a little bit of positive from this whole ordeal!

Today I met with my gynecological surgeon. Everything is looking good and I am recovering as I should be. They will see me one more time before I start up my chemotherapy again to make sure that everything has healed as it should. My abdomen is still a little swollen, but it is probably partly because of fluid from my liver that my body is trying to get rid of. The surgeon wasn't concerned about it at all. They are pleased to see me up and moving around well and that I have been able to cut back on my pain meds a lot. The surgeon again expressed how pleased she was with how the surgery turned out and that I have a good chance of keeping the cancer at bay for a while. I think that has been the hardest part for me is the fact that we have no way of knowing how long I will be in remission from this horrible disease. That's one reason that I have to endure 3 more cycles of chemotherapy - to try and kill off all of the cancer cells so that I can have a better chance of keeping the cancer in remission for a long time...

I'm not sure what the surgeon did to my belly button, but it HURTS today! And it doesn't help that the waistband on all of my clothes hits right there too. Today I am wearing some thick gauze between my skin and my clothes in order to cushion my belly button a little.

Today I am on my own for the first time - well sort of. DH went back to work for the first time since my surgery and M&M had to go back to school today. The 5 younger kids are all home though so I at least have some help from Luke and Blondie. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do for MJ's naps once the elementary school kids head back to school. I have 2 more weeks to solve that problem though.

I have cut my medications down to just one or two Tramadol every 6 hours. I am going to see how I do without the Oxycodone today. Tramadol is a stronger form of ibuprofen. I can definitely feel more tenderness in my belly today, but I think that that is a good thing. It helps me to remember that my body is still on the mend and that I still need to take things easy.

My right arm has also been hurting some today. I'm not sure if I did something to strain it or if it is just because I have had to do more with my arm to compensate for my healing stomach muscles.

Today I ran some errands by myself with a few of the kids. Now that I am down to just one pill of pain meds I am not as drowsy as I was last week and don't feel loopy at all anymore. My stomach has been cramping some on and off because my bowels are still trying to get back to normal. The liver surgeon said that it can take up to 4 weeks after a major surgery for the bowels to start working correctly again. I still don't have much of an appetite and foods that I used to love and crave all the time just hold no interest for me at all. I really have no desire to eat any chocolate or cookies or sweets of any kind. In a way that's a good thing, but I miss them tasting good to me! I've had very few sweets at all this whole Christmas season!

Some of the surgical tape is starting to come off of my incision. The body is an amazing thing in its ability to heal! I still have tape residue all over my belly and upper body. That stuff is hard to get off! I work on it a little each day, but I have such sensitive skin that I try not to do too much at once or I will have sore patches everywhere!

I just gave myself my first shot! I have to have an injection each day to help prevent blood clots and up until today DH has given them to me. Today DH wasn't around so I decided to try it myself and it wasn't too bad.

I went to church today for the full 3 hour block. We just moved to the 11:00 a.m. time slot so I didn't have to rush too bad to get everyone ready for church this morning. (I managed to fit into one of my skirts even with my brace around my midsection, so maybe that means I have lost some more weight.) I felt like I should be there since it is the first Sunday of the new year and everyone is in the process of figuring out what classroom to go to and who their teachers are. I felt fine until Sacrament Meeting when I started getting really tired about halfway through and had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Unfortunately I can't do too much with either MJ or Kay if they act up during church since I can't pick them up. We managed to survive alright though. I had DH drive us home afterwards because I wasn't sure if I trusted myself on the road (even though we only live about 3 blocks away from the church). Everyone was surprised to see me there today and I had so many people come up to me today and tell me that I looked really good and that they liked my hair. A couple of people didn't recognize me at first because of my wig. Later on this afternoon we will be heading over to my parents' house for New Year's dinner.