Went to the satellite clinic for another CT scan today and thankfully it went much more smoothly than the last time.  I had to go to their infusion clinic to get my port accessed and deaccessed, but it was just right around the corner from the imaging lab.  I was supposed to have labs drawn as well but when I was looking at my calendar last night I realized that I am going to be out of town right around the time of one of my avastin infusions so I have been trying to get ahold of my doctor's office to see if we need to reschedule my appointment this Wednesday and shuffle all of the appointments around.  I think I can have up to 4 weeks in-between my infusions so maybe we can push them all back a week or so so that I won't need one while we are out of town!

Pretty routine infusion today.  Once again I am asking myself if I should continue these treatments or not.  Unfortunately there are no guarantees either way...  I am supposed to have a CT scan before my next appointment in 3 weeks and I feel like I was just having my last one...

Got a call from one of the nurses at Huntsman to let me know my CA-125 number.  It is 17 once again which is good.

I am now more than a year out from my first CT scan after my last round of carboplatin/paclitaxol chemotherapy - so halfway to remission (which is two years from that CT scan).  It is humbling to see where I am today versus where I was a year ago.  I have been very blessed up to this point and am thankful everyday for every extra day that I have been given.  I feel great and have been fitting better into my clothes and my hair is growing nice and long!  At the same time I get a little anxious whenever I have another dr's appt or scan, especially when I get a phone call from the office that I am not expecting!  My constant hope and prayer is that I have beaten this cancer and that it will not come back!  I want to be here for my children and my husband, to help them out and to watch them learn and grow.  I enjoy being involved in their lives and helping to teach them.

It has been hard watching another family member go through some similar and yet different cancer experiences.  I remember very vividly the feeling of the first diagnosis and the fear associated with it.  I understand the feelings of doubt and loneliness, the feeling of hopelessness and total lack of control.  When I found out my diagnosis of Stage 4 ovarian cancer I started looking at everything as if it were going to be my last:  my last Christmas?, my last Halloween?, my last birthday?, the last soccer game for my kids that I go to?  It was so hard and is still hard to think about.

The chemo treatments were very hard, although I think that being young definitely helped me.  At the same time, being young and with a young family was a blessing in some ways and harder in other ways.  It has definitely given me something to live for though and a reason to get up every morning and keep going.  Now things are pretty much back to normal - although I still have routine doctor's visits and my maintenance chemo that I have every three weeks.  Other than my scars and the port I still have in my body, the kids I don't even think that I have cancer anymore.

A couple of months ago Luke came home from school and told me about a writing assignment that they had to do at school where they had to write about a wish that they had.  Luke said that he wrote that he wished that there was no such thing as cancer or that there was a cure for it or a way to prevent it.  I thought that that was very touching.  It's sad that these kids at such a young age have had to experirence first hand what cancer can do.

Another fairly routine doctor's visit at Huntsman.  It seemed more busy than usual today at the office and it took them a while to get to me and get my port accessed and labs drawn.  Then there was a new nurse in the port access room who accessed my port.  She didn't do a very good job, but I guess she is still learning.  There was one of the regular nurses helping her out and she had to fix the needle in my port because the first nurse went in at a little bit of an angle so it didn't engage the port...  It was kind of annoying and it is a little more uncomfortable for me.  My skin also turned bright red again but I think that was due do all of the manipulating that the nurses had to do.  By the time I made it to the infusion room it was back to normal color.  The doctor printed out my scan results for me and said that everything looked normal in the scans.  So we are still keeping our fingers crossed with that.

I was a little early for my infusion so I stopped upstairs and grabbed some lunch first.  Now I am just waiting for the Avastin to show up.  My blood pressure continues to be normal and I have lost several pounds from my last visit.  My clothes have been fitting much better lately and I am fitting into things that I haven't worn in quite a while.  I also have some of my regular clothes that are getting baggy looking on me - especially some of my pants.

My hair is getting super long.  I think it has grown quite a bit over the last couple of weeks.  I had many people in the clinic commenting on my hair today.  I am at the stage now where I need to decide what I want to do with it.  If I am going to keep it short then I think I want it a little shorter than it is right now.  The top is getting harder and harder to get looking the way I want and the sides are getting really shaggy.  My normal hairdresser that lives in my neighborhood just had a baby a month and a half ago so I haven't wanted to bug her yet about a haircut!

The Avastin just showed up - I think this is the quickest that it has ever been.

Made it to my infusion this morning.  Everything went pretty smoothly and no problems there.  My blood pressure was normal and there were no problems with my port.  The nurse did ask why I cancelled last week and so I told her that we had a stomach bug going around the family.  On my way home I got a call from the nurse that works with my oncologist letting me know that my mammogram came back negative - so that was some good news as well.

Went in for a mammogram today.  I was able to schedule it at the clinic near my house again so it was a pretty quick drive there and then a pretty quick procedure.  My appointment was set for 1:20 and I got there a few minutes early and was out of there by 1:30.  I should get the results from it in a few days.  I always find the paperwork that I have to do a little annoying though.  They should be able to easily look up all of my records up to this point and the fact that I have to fill out info about why I am having the scan done and if anyone in my family has had breast or ovarian cancer seems a little redundant.  There was also no where on there to mark that I have ovarian cancer.  The questionnaire asked if this was a routine scan or a result of some recent breast abnormalities so I marked routine scan - which it is at this point.  I also think they should add a question asking if the person knows if they are BRCA-1 positive or not.

I was supposed to go in for an Avastin infusion yesterday, but woke up sick to my stomach and not in much of a condition to go anywhere.  I got up around 5:30 in the morning and ended up spending some time in the bathroom dry heaving and then went back to bed until around 10:30...  The kids have been passing a sickness around and I guess it was my turn to have it...  They just pushed all of my appointments back a week so I will go in next Wednesday for my infusion instead.

One of the worst things that can happen to someone who has been through a cancer experience like mine is to hear a message on their answering machine from their doctor's office that they are not expecting...

I came home from running some errands this morning with my two youngest to find a message on my answering machine from someone at my surgeon's office asking me to return their call.  This was a very unexpected call and I immediately returned it when I heard the message and I got the office's answering service.  The lady told me that they were at lunch so I should try calling back after 1:00 (it was about 12:15 at the time).  The only thing that I could think as to why they would be calling was to possibly discuss the results from my latest CT scan.  To this point I had not heard the results of the scan and my husband and I had talked about it just the day before and that we thought it was strange that I hadn't heard anything from Huntsman about it.  I had mentioned that I would try contacting someone in the office if I didn't hear anything in the next day or two so I took the time while I was waiting to talk to my surgeon's office to email my nurse practitioner at Huntsman asking about it.

So fast forward to 1:00 and I try calling the surgeon's office again and again I get the answering service.  The lady tells me that they haven't switched over the phones yet so to wait a few more minutes and then try again.  So I wait a few more minutes and then 15 more minutes and then I call again at 2:00.  Still no response from the office.  I asked the lady with the answering service if I could just leave a message for them to return and she said that they usually don't check with her for any messages - so what is the point of having the answering service?!?!?  At 2:30 she told me that they were in a meeting until around 3:30.  What?!?  This was getting ridiculous!  (And unfortunately my husband was at a genealogy conference downtown and I didn't want to get him all worried and possibly worked up over what would hopefully turn out to be nothing...  The thought did go through my mind though that if my surgeon wanted to see me in her office that afternoon - which would most definitely mean bad news - I would try and get ahold of my husband and possibly pick him up on my way there.)

Around 2:00 my phone rang and I was hoping that it was the surgeon's office (although up to this point they don't even know that I have been trying to call!).  It turned out to be my study coordinator at Huntsman and she apologized for not calling me about my CT scan results.  She said that she thought that the nurse had called me and apparently the nurse thought that the study coordinator had called me...  She said that she had the results back the same evening as my scan and that everything looked good in it!  She said that one of the "scar" areas in my liver had shrunk in size which is good news as well - my liver is still healing from the two areas that were resected.  I asked her if she knew why my surgeon would be calling and she thought that it was probably just a follow-up from my last visit - just a guess though.

So I finally called the surgeon's office again around 4:00 and finally was able to talk to the person who had left me a message at 11:30 that morning...  She said that she had a note to remind herself to call me with my results from my pap smear that had been done at the beginning of the month - of which I had already been called about a couple of days after my appointment.  She thought that she had just left a message on my answering machine with the results, but I remember talking to someone from the office about it.  And everything had been normal with the results...

I was quite exhausted by the end of all of that!  What a nerve wracking afternoon it had been for me!

I got a call from Huntsman this morning to let me know my CA-125 number.  It was 17 this time, so up from my last count of 15 back in January, but it is still well within the normal range.  They said that it will most likely fluctuate up and down a little each time and that that is normal.

So after my infusion was finally finished up at Huntsman I quickly hurried home to pick up a Crystal Light packet and some sweatpants and then headed out the door to hurry to the South Jordan clinic.  I got there and checked in and asked to pick up the gastro contrast for my scan.  The receptionist went to check and see which contrast to give me (gastro or barium) and she came back and said that the tech wanted to do the barium.  I asked if I could have the gastro because I don't like the barium.  So she went and asked again and came back and said that I would have to take the barium.  So she pulled out the barium and started to mark on it and after thinking about it for a minute I said that if I was going to be required to take the barium then I just wanted to cancel my CT scan and I would make an appointment at a later date back up at Huntsman.  I was quite ticked off about the whole thing and on my way out the door I called my parents to let them know that I was coming back home.  When I was making my way out the front doors of the clinic the receptionist chased me down and said that they were going to do the scan with the gastro - that that was going to be alright.  When I went back into the waiting room the radiologist was there apologizing profusely to me that she apparently had been trying to make a joke with the receptionist and the receptionist had taken the answer literally.  So I will hopefully be having the scan here in the next little while.  All I can say is that I wasn't a very happy camper and I'm glad that I complained about it enough to make them change their mind.  And as it turns out the SJ clinic has the drink mixes that they give you to mix with the gastro so you don't have to use your own.  Although I think I prefer the lemonade versions that I have to the cherry flavor that I picked.  :)

I came in to meet with my oncologist today and she is apparently doing rounds at the hospital so they told me I would be seeing the nurse practitioner, but then one of the oncology fellows visited with me instead.  It was a pretty quick visit and everything appears to look good right now.  They asked about scheduling my next CT scan and mammogram.  While waiting in the infusion room the study coordinator came and asked if I could do the scan later today after my infusion...  So now I need to not eat or drink anything for the next 4 hours so I can have the scan done.  I asked about my port access because they usually put a different type of tubing in when I am having a scan so they can administer the IV contrast through it.  The coordinator went and asked about it and they said that my tubing will work fine I just need to tell the radiologist so they can push the IV medication through more slowly.  Thankfully my mom is able to stay later at my house.  I hope the girls are being good for her...  I will be going to the U of U satellite clinic for the scan.  I have had my mammogram there before and that is where I saw my dermatologist, but I have never had a CT scan there before.  I also have never had them use my port there so hopefully everything will go smoothly with this.

Had an appointment at my surgeon's office this morning.  I thought I was supposed to visit with my surgeon but I just met with the nurse practitioner.  Everything is looking and feeling fine so nothing to report there.  I will return in 4 months for another follow up visit.

I seem to be quite distracted today for some reason.  I left for my appointment a little later than I wanted to just because I wasn't paying attention to the time.  Then on my way I accidentally took the wrong exit and had to take the side streets to get to the surgeon's office which took even longer.  I ended up being about 10 minutes late which was annoying to me.  I don't like to be late to things.  After the appointment I was on my way home and almost missed my exit.  Then I wanted to stop at the grocery store on my way home and got to the light where I needed make a left turn and forgot to get in the left turn lane...  Hopefully I will get over whatever is distracting me so I can be more engaged tomorrow!

Not much to report on my infusion today.  I got there on time and nothing really happened out of the ordinary.

Got a message from Huntsman on my phone today letting me know the results of my CA-125 test.  It is now down to 15!  The nurse said that in November it was 19, then jumped to 17 at my December test and now it is 15.  I am enjoying seeing that number continue to go down!

Had an appointment with my nurse practitioner at Huntsman (the doctor is out of town) this morning, followed by my Avastin infusion.  Everything looks fine with my lab work and blood pressure.  I was a little worried at first when the nurse practitioner came into the room because she had such a concerned look on her face, but the first comment out of her mouth was her asking how a family member of mine is doing who has been diagnosed with cancer.  I thought that that was very touching!  She said that she has been thinking about this person a lot (I mentioned it to her the last time I saw her in December).   I got to the infusion room about 30 minutes early and when they called me back it took quite a while for the lab to send the Avastin down - almost an hour of waiting in the infusion room before it came.  At one point the nurse called the lab to find out what was going on!  Then the machine that I was hooked up to kept beeping saying that there was a problem with my tubing but they couldn't see anything wrong.  I think it beeped about 4 times on me.

We had a snowstorm come through yesterday and more of it today.  DH was able to stay home with the girls and work from home today so that my mom didn't have to make the drive over to our house. I also decided to take Trax in today so that I wouldn't have to deal with driving in the snow.  Unfortunately I left the house a few minutes later than I wanted to (and I had to go back for my cell phone), so I just barely missed the 7:15 train and had to wait around another 15 minutes in the snow for the next train.  Luckily I gave myself plenty of time this morning though and I still made it to Huntsman a half hour before I needed to be there.  It was pretty crowded on the train with the morning commuters and students taking the train this morning.

On the way home the valets at Huntsman drove me down to the Trax station and then it was a relatively quick ride to my stop.  As soon as I got off the train, DH called and asked where I was.  I told him that I had just gotten off of the train and was on my way home.  The snow was pretty deep in a couple of places and it took me a little longer than normal to make my way through some of it.  Then I turned into our neighborhood and had a hard time navigating around the snow piles.  I couldn't make it to the church parking lot that we usually cut through so I went around the other side of the church than I usually do and apparently I just missed DH and the girls.  I showed up at home and no one was there.  I called DH's cell phone and he said that they had gone out to meet me and apparently we just missed each other by going around opposite sides of the church building!  By the time I met up with them finally the girls were freezing!  Kay had refused to put on her boots and was just in her jacket and neither of them had gloves or hats on.  It took me a while to get them all dry and warmed up when we got back home!

Had my hair cut again today.  The top is gradually getting longer so I'm almost to the point where I will need to decide if I will keep it this length or let it grow out.  It is definitely easier to fix this hair style in the mornings.  The top is long enough now that I have tried curling it a few times with a straightener and curling iron.  It gives it a little more body up on top which I like.  I haven't quite mastered the technique yet but it should get easier the more I do it.

I have had many people come up to me, especially at church, commenting on how they like my hair this length.  I have told some people that I would have never dared to cut my hair this length before my cancer, but I am really liking it now.

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted!!  Things have been busy and I guess that is a good thing!  It means that my life is getting busy and back to normal and some days I just don't have time to sit down at the computer and update things!  (I also seem to like putting exclamation points on everything lately!)  I kept meaning to post on my one year anniversary of my surgery and then my one year anniversary of coming home from my surgery (Christmas Day), but I just couldn't find the time to do it.  It is pretty surreal to think about where I was a year ago.  In some ways it seems like a bad dream still.  Sometimes I sit and think, "Did I really go through all of that?"  - even though I definitely have the scars to prove it.  And days like today when I am receiving my next infusion of Avastin.  Another 7 a.m. appointment, but hopefully that gives me enough time to make it back home in time to take the kids to their swim lessons.  Yes, they are off-track again and I was crazy enough to sign them up for swim lessons again!  Even though the outside temperatures haven't been above freezing for the last couple of weeks!  I think it's good to keep them involved in something while they are off-track though so we don't sit around the house all day with them telling me how bored they are.  I also have Luke and Kitty in a soccer clinic that will be Tuesdays and Thursdays and started yesterday.  Swim lessons are Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  

I've been noticing that I have had more and more energy lately.  Our dishwasher broke just after Thanksgiving and we just barely ordered a new one last Saturday so we have been hand washing since then and I have actually had the energy to do it!  I have also been doing some deep cleaning that hasn't been done in a LONG time.  Now if I could just get myself to go to bed at a decent hour, I'd be all set!  (I rarely go to bed before 11 p.m. and I have to get up around 5:50 a.m. to make sure that M&M is up for school - and usually she is not...  Although I do usually go back to sleep for a little bit until the kids get me up or I need to drive Blondie to orchestra class at 8 a.m.)  I even had a crazy couple of nights where I was super in to some family history research I was doing and stayed up until around 2 a.m.  

My hair seems to be getting thicker.  I think I need to get in for a haircut again.  I finally pulled my brush out from hiding and used it for the first time last week.  Up until now I have just been using my fingers to style my hair in the mornings!  I have had numerous people come up to me and tell me that they really like this hairstyle on me.  I am enjoying it too - it is definitely easy to fix in the mornings.    I've also had several people ask me about my highlights - they are natural.  I haven't done anything to my hair color, but it looks like I have some blonde or frosted highlights in my hair (although some of it is starting to turn silver/gray too).

Another clear CT scan!  I feel like my Huntsman team is super relieved every time I have a clear scan - almost like they are expecting each time to have to give me bad news.  So I will keep praying and crossing my fingers that something I am doing is working and that the cancer won't come back.  We had a talk about the radiation from the CT scans and they keep saying that the radiologists agree that the amount that I am receiving is acceptable.  My doctor said that she has yet to see anyone present themselves with cancer that was caused by radiation - although how she would know that it was not radiation that caused it, I'm not sure...  She also said though that in the field of radiology they are constantly improving their methods and the technology so that the amount of radiation that the body is exposed to is significantly less than it was even a few years ago.  She also said that any studies that she could pull up on radiation exposure would most likely be out of date already.  I guess that part of it makes me feel better.  Also, since Huntsman specializes in cancer treatments, they use the absolute minimum amount of radiation needed for each scan.  Apparently other facilities that don't specialize in cancer may use more.  I asked if they would have me doing this many scans if I was not on the study and she said that we would probably do them twice a year because of the advanced stage of my cancer when I was diagnosed.  She also said that she had talked with my surgeon about her concerns for the number of scans.  My doctor is hesitant to have me quit the study that I am on because then I would lose the Avastin which appears to be doing what they want it to - keeping the cancer away.  They said that they have other patients in similar situations that they can't get the Avastin for because it is not approved by the FDA for ovarian cancer.

After my appointment was over I went to the infusion room for my Avastin infusion.  While I was there the counselor that works with my doctor's group came over and had a talk with me to see how I am doing.  We talked some about my Avastin treatments and my concerns over the study that I am on.  I think that my biggest concern is that we really don't know if the Avastin is really doing any good or if it is maybe causing some other problems that will present themselves later on in my life.  I am still young and want to be as healthy as I can for as long as I can be!

Pretty routine CT scan today - if I can even call it that.  I decided to do the alternative to the barium drink again - that stuff just does not agree with my digestive system.  It's something that they mix with sterile water and I haven't had the same problems that I have had with the barium.  It does have quite a nasty taste though so I'm glad that they allow you to mix some Crystal Light with it.  I have to get there a little earlier though so that I can get the drink there and start drinking it.  I decided to have them keep my port accessed since I will have an infusion tomorrow.